“More Double Standards From The Judges; Haley Gets Fed Up” by Guy Aoki

Wednesday, May 11.  At the top of the show, the producers made it clear what was at stake this week:  As in past years, those who made it to the Top 3 would get to return to their hometowns for a welcome fit for kings and queens.  So which of the Top 4 would make it and who would be “sent home” without that parade?  (well, nothing’s stopping supporters from throwing a big street party to the “loser” anyway but you know, that makes it seem less dramatic…).

     Tonight, the contestants sang two songs:  one that inspires them, another written by ‘50s/60’s songwriting team Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller.  For the first half, we just saw the singers talk about their selection with no studio rehearsal footage and no comments from Interscope Records chairman/mentor Jimmy Iovine.  For the second half, rehearsal footage returned with Iovine and Lady Gaga offering ideas for how to perform a song with the latter providing some great ideas.

1.  James Durbin:  “Don’t Stop Believin’”/Journey.  He delivered a performance that “faithfully” stuck to the original version (get it?  “Faithfully” was another Journey hit!). That was the problem.  The rocker offered nothing new in his version.  Shouldn’t the judges hold that against him?  Apparently not; they all loved it.  Jennifer Lopez loved his upper register and vibrato.  Randy Jackson, who performed on Journey’s last ‘80s album Raised On Radio before the group temporarily broke up (but not on that 1981 hit) exclaimed that other than Aerosmith, Journey was one of the best bands ever and other than Steven Tyler, Steve Perry was one of the best lead singers and Durbin did both of them justice:  “That was the highest degree of difficulty and you did it!”

2.  Haley Reinhart:  “Earth Song”/Michael Jackson.  I got excited at this choice because it came from Jackson’s last album of great material, the underrated History:  Past, Present & Future, and flopped upon release in 1995.  The 20-year old’s voice sounded a bit hoarse, but she did an all right job.  But although Jennifer Lopez recognized that “I really felt that; it did inspire you,” at this point in the competition, she wanted to hear a known hit.  Jackson agreed because it—once again—confused him as to what kind of artist she wanted to be (unlike Scotty McCreery whose identify is never in question but who puts us to sleep with country songs each and every week).  He felt she was screaming at the top of her range, but in order to top Michael Jackson, she had to go a few notes higher and didn’t (OK, keep this in mind because he didn’t expect that of Durbin and he wouldn’t expect it  later with the country contestants).

     Reinhart, probably tired of the double standard criticism, shot back that it wasn’t at the top of her range.  She and Jackson kept talking back and forth.  He wanted her to do vocal runs at the end (cos singing something straight without vocal gymnastics is never enough for him unless you’re doing country—then you it’s “you know who you are!” and “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”); she didn’t think she needed to.

     Steven Tyler, who loves everything and everybody, said his colleagues were wrong (which of course, elicited cheers from the audience who wants to love everything and everybody too).  Jackson kept repeating his advice and Reinhart said she already heard it.

3.  Scotty McCreery:  “Where Were You When The World Stopped Turning?”/Alan Jackson.  Our country boy added nothing new (as usual) to this country song about 9/11.  It’s exactly what you’d expect from him.   Of course, Jackson should’ve advised the singer to add something new to it or sing higher notes.  Instead--adhering to the same double standard we’ve seen all season with this boring performer—he praised McCreery for doing “a perfect song for where we are as a country” (meaning after Osama bin Laden’s been executed) even going as far as saying the 17-year old was headed for superstardom.  Oh gag me with a fork!  Tyler liked it that the contestant kinda lost it in the middle due to his emotion and that was “important.”  Lopez, once again demonstrating the inability to impartially critique with this guy, just said, “I’m in love with you.”  OK, now gag me with a spoon too.  “You know who you are.”  Yeah, so?  He’s boring as hell!

4.   Lauren Alaina:  “Anyway”/Martina McBride.  For the umpteenth time, this annoying, overweight southerner mumbled the name of her selection.  She was doing it because of the tornadoes that hit the South.  Timely lyrics:  “One storm can come and blow it all away.”  She used those long notes that judges “require” to get excited by so, of course, they loved it.  Tyler:  “You did it again—you broke my heart.”  Lopez was happy that the 16-year old was listening to their advice.  Jackson said he was a bit worried about her performance last week, but tonight, “Lauren is back!  In it to win it!”  Once again, he asked, “What was wrong with that performance?  Absolutely nothing!”

     Ryan Seacrest asked the judges who won that round.  Lopez said it was hard and didn’t name anyone.  Jackson said it was a three-way tie naming everyone but Haley, who was visibly annoyed, trying to smile when she probably wanted to give him the middle finger.

     After coming back from a break, Seacrest said some were saying Jackson was being a little mean and Lopez punched him in the arm.  Hell, they should all be a little more mean because they were letting some of these people skate on through.  At this point, we were told of Lady Gaga’s importance, having an astounding 8 #1 hits in just the past three years.  As she met the “Idols” during rehearsals, she looked like a skunk with blonde hair but a black strip running across near the bottom and black bangs.  She also wore white eye liner above her eyebrows with black eyeliner below her eyes, and large beauty mark on her left cheek.

1.  Haley Reinhart:  “I (Who Have Nothing)”/Ben E. King/Tom Jones.  Bad choice because 2007 winner Jordin Sparks turned it into a career-making performance.  Before she sang that hit, I couldn’t have cared less about her.  But she just stood at the mike, became a character who was devastated at the loss of a love, maintained a look of pain throughout the entire song, and left me in tears.  Gaga asked, “How do you feel about getting a little psycho?” with the bug-eyed look of someone who was going on a killing spree.  She suggested--to add a little Edith Piaf drama--Reinhart pause before saying “I love you!”  It was a good touch, and the contestant sang it OK, but it couldn’t compare with Spark’s memory. 

     Proving how off they were tonight, all three judges gave her a standing ovation.  Lopez shouted, “Look at what you’re capable of!  That was amazing!”  She called it one of the best performances of the year (what?!).  Jackson agreed and assumed the singer was probably mad (backstage, she admitted she was) at them, and it helped her performance.  Seacrest asked Reinhart to come over and hug Jackson, and she barely did (ooh, she holds a grudge, that one!)! 2.  Scotty McCreery:  “Young Blood”/The Coasters.  During rehearsals, Gaga pointed out that when he turned his head away from the mike, no one could hear him, so she told him to pretend the mike was his girlfriend and to make love to her.  Said Iovine:  “Scotty McCreery, Lady Gaga:  I couldn’t think of a better fit!”  Gaga laughed in the background.  This should’ve been a perfect choice because he could go to town with his voice getting lower and lower during “Uh looky there!  Uh looky there!  Uh looky there!”  But he didn’t, only taking advantage of it while imitating the “Dad” of the song as in:  “Then things got bad/I met her dad/He said:  ‘You better leave my daughter alone!’”  It was a missed opportunity, and I thought the whole thing fell flat.  But you know those judges and how they feel about George Bush, Jr.:  They loved how he was having fun with it and that it showed his upbeat side.

3.  Lauren Alaina:  “Trouble”/Elvis Presley.  Our 16 year old felt awkward singing “I’m evil” so Gaga had to convince her it wasn’t that big a deal.  Iovine told her she had to become that character.  She kind of pulled it off, giving a vampy performance.  Lopez loved seeing a different side of her.

     After coming back from commercials, Seacrest introduced Mike Stoller in the audience who said it was always a thrill to hear others give new interpretations to their songs.  Explaining the absence of his collaborator, Stoller said Jerry Leiber was feeling “under the weather tonight.”

4.   James Durbin:  “Love Potion #9”/The Clovers/The Searchers.  Iovine felt the rocker was approaching the hit too casually, so Gaga went up and started moving Durbin’s hips explaining, “it puts the song in your body.”  Great advice, and it would’ve been great to see Durbin follow through during his live performance, but he didn’t shake them at all!  He did make this ‘50s hit sound contemporary though, with a rock vocal approach and managing to throw in his trademark yells.  But he threw in two false endings which were kinda annoying (just end the damn thing!).  Lopez admitted she wasn’t sure if he’d picked the right song but after hearing what he did with it, he proved he could sing anything.  Jackson:  “You’re having a moment every single week.”

     Since the judges were being such idiots, I’ll prepare two bottom twos for tomorrow night:  According to their critiques:  Haley Reinhart and Lauren Alaina (last week, she was in the bottom two for the first time, so she’s no longer invincible and the guys seem to have too strong a following especially since the teenage girls have generally been supporting men over the women).  Going home (especially since voters get turned off when contestants talk back—no matter how justified--and this one talked back longer than anyone in recent memory):  Haley Reinhart.  If I had my druthers, the bottom two would be Scotty McCreery and Lauren Alaina simply because she should never have lasted this long.  Going home:  Lauren Alaina.

     Tomorrow night:  A whole lotta performances from Jordin Sparks (speak of the devil), Enrique Iglesias, and Lady Gaga herself.  And we’ll see the premiere for the video of Steven Tyler’s first solo single “It Feels So Good,” which sounds like one of his critiques.

“Hallelujah! Praise The Lord!” by Guy Aoki

Thursday, May 5.  It was a great results night as the most over-rated singer of the pack finally had her comeuppance and one of the most irritating singers of the Top 13 was finally sent home.  Even though we got an overload of Jennifer Lopez.  Ah well, you can’t win ‘em all.

     First, the Top 5 sang the Turtles’ “Happy Together.”  Tellingly, Jacob Lusk screwed up the first line, seemingly already out of breath (time to lose some weight?).  James Durbin and Scotty McCreery sounded great doing the “ba ba ba baaaa” parts toward the end.

     In the Ford Music Video of the Week (to “Be Yourself”), everyone displayed a talent—except Lusk unless you consider skipping down the stairs without tripping something to brag about.  Durbin balanced a director’s chair on his chin while juggling.  Lauren Alaina threw cards against a board and they formed a diamond.  McCreery popped a wheelie, and Haley Reinhart drove a Ford which automatically did parallel parking for her. 

     In another annoying “Commercial within the show,” Chef Gordon Ramsey appeared to determine which of the “Idols” made the best omelet.  For the first time, he was smiling and didn’t say anything that needed to be bleeped (he finally got put on medication?).  When Ramsey announced that Lauren Alaina was first and Lusk second, our always “happy” fellow jumped up and down, clapped, and sounded and looked like a seal.  Oh Lord, please send this guy home already.  I can only take so much, and I’ve been so patient over the past three months…

     Lady Antebelleum, who apparently has a clause in their contact that they must perform on every awards show and “American Idol” at least twice over, appeared yet again singing “Just a Kiss,” a piano-based ballad which, at least, wasn’t bad.

     Then we wasted more time with a taped bit where the contestants jokingly explained how they decided what to sing and wear each week.

     Last week, when Ryan Seacrest called the singers to center stage to learn the results, we were shown video of the judges’ feedback from the night before.  This time, the host was back to just quoting the judges.  Only Interscope Records chairman Jimmy Iovine appeared on tape to give his take on how well the competitors did.  He felt that James Durbin let his emotions get to him while singing “Without You” and his voice “closed out.”  While he felt the rocker rated a 9 or 10 in the past, last night, Durbin only earned an 8.  I agree, though even if he’d held his emotions in check, the singer’s entire approach to that song wasn’t going to impress me anyway.

     I was glad to get an understanding of why I was so underwhelmed by Lauren Alaina’s rendition of “Unchained Melody.”  Iovine explained that she “pulled back on the biggest note of the song” because she chickened out again.  Her lack of confidence was her “Achilles heel” which would keep her out of the finals if this continued.  The mentor felt she’d be in the bottom two.  I certainly felt she belonged there, but she had always seemed performance-proof no matter how boring she was.

     There was a part two to Gordon Ramsey’s appearance:  He blindfolded the top two winners and had them identify different kinds of food. Lusk couldn’t recognize a hot dog.  Not a good week for him.

     A few weeks ago, “Idol” debuted Jennifer Lopez’s music video for “On the Floor,” which proceeded to #5 and became her first Top 10 hit in five years.  Tonight, she took to the stage to perform it although at first, it looked as if it was just going be another video because that’s what flashed on the large screen.  Pit Bull came out of the audience doing his rapid fire rap saying who knows what (why bother rapping anything when it’s indecipherable?).  Then Lopez came out with eight dancers strutting her stuff.  It’s a repetitive and forgettable song, but it was nice to see one of the judges actually get up, perform, and remind us why they deserved to give us their opinions every week.

     If that wasn’t enough, when we came back from the commercial break, we saw the debut of Lopez’s new video for “I’m Into You.”  Though it turned out to be just a snippet.   Sometimes I wonder if Seacrest knows what he’s introducing because it doesn’t always turn out to be what he promised (shouldn’t he have said, “We’re giving you a sneak peak of her video” or something to signal it wasn’t going to be the whole thing?).  Another repetitious, forgettable song.  But hey, it was upbeat, which I guess, counts for a lot these days.

     Continuing on with the results, Jacob Lusk was called up.  Iovine said the singer had a rough night because he was under-confident and in both of his performances, he was “slightly off.”  The executive gave him a 6!  I burst out laughing.  Seacrest asked him to stand near Lauren Alaina—and away from James Durbin.  Woo hoo!  That boy’s going home!  Now I’m the one clapping like a seal.

     Of his controversial suggestion that Haley Reinhart sing an unknown song by Lady Gaga, Iovine explained that Reinhart has been running in 4th or 5^th place, so she needed to do something risky.  He noted Lopez gave him a hard time about it but didn’t argue (or maybe his defense was edited out).  Iovine agreed with the judges that Reinhart “won the night,” giving her a 10 overall.

     Scotty McCreery did his uptempo song fine, according to the mentor, but he “came up a bit short” for “Always On My Mind.”  Seacrest clarified that last week, the singer hadn’t been in the bottom two (although he’d been the last person standing next to the person who was sent home—Casey Abrams; another sign the writers are not doing Seacrest any favors if they’re still confusing the audience and at least one reporter from Billboard Magazine).  McCreery was the first of the Top 5 deemed safe. Seacrest then tried to pull that “go stand with the group you think is also safe” crap and to his credit, McCreery refused to, repeatedly saying, “Don’t do that to me!”  So the host moved him next to Durbin and Reinhart and announced they were all safe.

     Jacob Lusk and Lauren Alaina (for the first time) were in the bottom two.  I cheered, knowing either way, it was gonna be a great night.  Alaina should’ve been in the cellar several times before for singing bland country songs, but the judges apparently swayed the voting public into thinking she was fantastic.  She’s become this season’s Justin Guarini from Season 1.  And we all know how well he did after placing an undeserved second don’t we?  Hopefully the same will happen to Alaina.  There is nothing special about her.  N-o-t-h-i-n-g.

     Earlier in the show, Seacrest said the results might surprise us.  So that gave me hope that Alaina would be sent home ahead of schedule.  Nah, it was Lusk (I guess if the host doesn’t say “you might be surprised” every week, we won’t be on our toes assuming we know who’s going home).  The conceited singer said America fell in love with him!  What the?!  Can we kick him in the ass before we send him home too?  He garbled some other junk in that low, rumbling, clanky, cackling voice of his, but I’m too lazy to rewind the disc to transcribe it, and he doesn’t deserve to have that asinine statement repeated.  I’m just glad the nightmare is over, and I won’t have to see nor hear this freak of nature any longer.

     For his swan song, fat cheeks/fat tongue sang “A House Is Not A Home” by (who else?) Luther Vandross.  Problem is, he refused to end the song, adding endless amounts of “yeahhhh!” s.  Just made me appreciate not having to see him next week.  Next!

“Night of the Boring Songs” by Guy Aoki

Wednesday, May 4.  Tonight, the Top 5 contestants got to sing two songs apiece:  a current hit and anything from the past.  The result?  Wow.  The most boring night of boring material in a looong time.  Sheryl Crow joined Interscope Records Chairman Jimmy Iovine in the mentor chairs.  She contributed some good ideas and looked great too.

1.   James Durbin:  “Close to the Edge”/30 Seconds To Mars.  In rehearsal, he sounded strong singing this with Crow.  Iovine felt this fit Durbin more than the ‘80s rock stuff he’s become so associated with.  It was an OK upbeat song, but unfortunately, he wasn’t that great during his actual performance, beginning in a range too low for his voice and even going slightly flat in the first verse.  Still, all of the judges loved it with Randy Jackson saying this demonstrated the type of record he’d be making, and he agreed with Iovine that Durbin wasn’t just a guy who did older rock songs well.  

2.  Jacob Lusk:  “No Air”/Jordin Sparks & Chris Brown. In an interview with Ryan Seacrest, Lusk once again displayed his arrogance claiming many people didn’t think he could make such a positive impact (pfft!  You’ve made my life miserable, you chubby-faced punk!).  The gospel-tinged singer was going to perform parts done by both Sparks and Brown and Harvey Mason, who wrote and produced the original hit, was going to record the track for Lusk.  Once again, while holding his long notes, the singer veered off course. 

     Jennifer Lopez said he had one of the best voices ever but because he sang different kinds of songs each week, she wasn’t sure who he was as an artist (sheesh, how can you stay in one direction—unless you do nothing but country like Scotty McCreery--when you’re forced to sing Beatles one week, Elton John another, and Carole King after that?!).  Jackson didn’t feel the song was in the right direction for his career adding that “most of it was sharp.”  The judge preferred to hear Lusk do more gospel/Luther Vandross material than R&B/pop stuff.  In a rare critical moment, Steven Tyler agreed, saying he was still waiting for the song that’ll be “you” where the contestant is not trying to be someone else (again, see my earlier question).  Lusk retorted that he felt he was an artist who appeals to everyone.  He asserted that Vandross did pop material too, not just one style of music.  Keep talking man!  Rule of thumb has been if you talk back to the judges, you get booted!  And you’re long overdue man! 

3.  Lauren Alaina:  “Flat On the Floor“/Carrie Underwood.  The overweight 16 year old (Tyler mistakenly called her a 15 year old) performed another boring uptempo country song that I’ve already forgotten.  But since the judges won’t criticize anything she does, Jackson said he agreed 100% that this was the direction she should go in.  Lopez said “You ate that up!” 

4.  Scotty McCreery:  “Gone”/Montgomery Gentry.  Crow thought the audience was going to be knocked out by the singer proving what a huge range he had.  Didn’t impress me.  He was back to his “security blanket”/baritone style of singing, though I give him credit for jumping toward the audience on stage and sassily jerking back and forth on this upbeat number.  Lopez exclaimed:  “I lost if there for a second, I was so excited!”  Jackson felt as if he was at a McCreery concert.

5.  Haley Reinhart:  “You and I”/Lady Gaga.  Iovine offered her a song the artist was performing in concert but hadn’t even recorded yet.  Reinhart wanted to talk to Gaga on the phone to make sure she was OK with this and she was, so the 20-year old took a chance on singing something that wasn’t known to most people.  You can understand the temptation to be able to say you were given permission by one of the top artists of the day to perform something she wrote that’s not even released, but this was a weak song and thankfully, the judges all agreed.   Good ole “can’t say a negative thing without dressing it up in sugar” Tyler said Reinhart was a perfect song away from winning the contest (meaning—not that one!). 

6.  Before going to break, Ryan Seacrest teased that for his second selection, James Durbin was going to do a hit from 1970.  I immediately thought of “Vehicle” by the Ides of March.  But the host kinda cheated:  The acoustic song was first written and recorded by Badfinger in 1970 but didn’t become a hit until 1972 when Harry Nilsson did his piano-based version.  During rehearsal, Durbin, upon hearing the lyrics, got so emotional he began crying and had to leave the room saying he couldn’t sing it because he was reminded of having to be away from his girlfriend and baby.  If he’d heard the tragic story of Pete Ham and Tom Evans—the Badfinger members who wrote that song and later hung themselves in 1975 and 1983 respectively--he probably would’ve had a mental breakdown!

     That record earned Nilsson a Grammy for “Best Pop Vocal Performance-Male” and deservedly so:  Towards the end when he lets loose on “Can’t live…” it still brings chills to my spine.  Durbin’s attempt just couldn’t compare.  He sounded disappointedly ordinary on the quiet verses (something that could never be said about Adam Lambert—to whom he’s often been compared because of his extraordinary vocal range) and once again sang off key toward the end.

     Jackson admitted the performance wasn’t perfect with his voice being both sharp and flat but it was “emotionally perfect.”  All in all, he felt the contest was Durbin’s to lose.  Even Tyler acknowledged the song got the best of the singer and that Durbin was “pitchy.”  Lopez felt he proved he wasn’t just a rocker but someone with a lot of heart and soul.

     Rubin, like Lusk, got a bit full of himself.  Still in tears, he said he left everything out on the stage every week.  Yeah.  Fine.  Too bad you can’t always sing it well at the same time.  I mean, I always felt this guy had a good chance of winning this contest, and of those still left, he still deserves to.  But lately, we’ve been hearing some problems with his voice. 

6.  Jacob Lusk:  “Love Hurts”/Nazareth.  Iovine felt the guy couldn’t keep dipping into the Luther Vandross/gospel genre because he needed to expand his fan base.  Lusk wasn’t sure of this suggestion because it was a rock song, so Crow sang it sweetly to show how it could work for him.  She sounded so great on it she should record it herself.  Lusk should avoid it.  His voice sounded too high, thin, and shrill, and he let out a predictable shriek at the end.  Tyler said Lusk got lost in the song (and that wasn’t actually a compliment).  Lopez said he brought it home at the end (meaning it wasn’t great at the start).  Jackson felt the singer redeemed himself on this one (meaning his first song sucked) and that he must’ve hit the highest note of anyone ever on that stage.

8.  Lauren Alaina:  “Unchained Melody”/Righteous Brothers.  As Winnie the Pooh would’ve said, “Oh bother!”  I’ve always hated this so-called classic and nicknamed it “Disconnected Melody” because it goes all over the place and just never gels.  Constantine Maroulis already did it a few weeks ago but at least he changed the melody to make it more interesting.  Alaina stayed true to it, throwing in the melisma the judges like so much (if you don’t do it, it means you don’t care enough about winning!  Yeah, right.  It actually means you’re not annoying older listeners like me who feel it’s clichéd and unnecessary).  Problem is, it never built up to anything.  Melody-wise, she kept shifting downward.  No big finish as original singer Bobby Hatfield (whom I interviewed in 1990 when this became a big hit again thanks to Ghost; great, funny guy) managed with “Ohhhhh mmmmy loooovve!”  Thoroughly boring. 

     But of course, our tone-deaf judges who proclaimed her the second coming since her audition, thought it was fantastic.  Lopez said “Nothing to judge there!”  Meaning it was well done.  It speaks volumes to how, when critiquing Alaina, they take off their judges caps and replace it with dunce caps.  She’s the most overrated performer of the season.  Tyler could only say, “As she said, there’s nothing to judge!”  Thank you, Tyler, for those crucial, irreplaceable comments!

9.   Scotty McCreery:  “Always On My Mind”/Elvis Presley.  Iovine pointed out the contradiction of the judges telling the country singer to be himself yet stretch.  Yeah, in other words, continue to bore us by singing country songs the same way every week which show no range or variation except for however the band’s playing them.  I almost fell asleep during his version.  At least when singing ballads, the cocky little critter’s eyebrows don’t begin dancing around his head like earthworms, and he doesn’t give us that George Bush smirk.  Jackson reused his old “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” motto.   Seacrest asked about McCreery being ¼ Puerto Rican, and the singer pointed to his grandmother in the audience who was 100% Puerto Rican.  Seacrest asked her how she felt about his performance, and it was cute to hear her speak.

10.  Haley Reinhart:  “House of the Rising Sun”/The Animals.  Ughh.  This is almost as boring as “Unchained Melody!”  What’s wrong tonight?  There was no limit on what hits from the past the contestants could sing and they chose these clunkers?  Maybe it was Iovine’s fault showing his ‘60s bias.  He asserted that if Reinhart had been a teenager back then, she would’ve recorded this (fantasies, fantasies!).  The jury’s still out on that.  Anyway, she once again looked hot in rehearsal with straight, blonder hair (but she was back to her darker, curly locks on stage).  Crow suggested Reinhart try singing the song without the band to show what a great voice she had.  That’s exactly how she started her performance on stage:  a cappella. 

     This reminds me of how much Reinhart has benefitted from the mentors.  Early on, she irritated me with her overuse of melisma on top of her already willowy voice.  They must’ve kept that in check because she’s improved a lot since squeezing into the Top 13 and working with Iovine and the others (they also prevented Lusk from going so over the top he’d have people like me throwing things at the TV set).  Still, I wasn’t knocked out by this performance.

     All three judges gave a rare standing ovation.  Jackson said it was the best performance of the night.  Tyler loved it because it was “sweet and sour and raspy.”  Lopez felt the singer came out angry and it helped her performance.

     Tomorrow night, I have no idea if--like last week--Seacrest will just announce who’s going home without even revealing who were in the bottom two or three.  But if he does, I’ll predict the cellar’s residents will include Jacob Lusk and Haley Reinhart (the other three have never been in the bottom three).  Going home?  If there is a God, he’ll finally put me out of my misery and send Jacob Lusk packing.

     Check in tomorrow night to see how it goes.  Jennifer Lopez will perform her current Top 10 hit “On the Floor.”  Hopefully it’ll be live and not taped as Paula Abdul did in 2008 with her first new song in 12 years because…  Well, maybe she’d suck live, ironic since she expected the contestants to be able to pull it off on stage every night without the chance to redo mistakes even though she herself no longer could.

“Who Was In The Bottom Three? We Still Don’t Know!” by Guy Aoki

Thursday, April 28.  It was another surprising results show.  And for the first time this season, we weren’t even told which of the remaining contestants were in the bottom three!  First, we saw tape of the Top 6 going to the British Counsul in honor of the impending marriage between Prince William and Kate Middleton with Scotty McCreery and Casey Abrams offering their best British accents. 

     On stage, the “Idols” appeared one by one to perform a medley of five songs written by Carole King.  Haley Reinhart started it off with King’s first hit as an artist, 1962’s “It Might As Well Rain Until September.”  James Durbin joined her then did his version of “Take Good Care Of My Baby” with Scotty McCreery.  Casey Abrams and Jacob Lusk added their voices to the old Bobby Vee classic and surprisingly, Durbin hit his first sour note that I can remember.  Lauren Alaina and Haley Reinhart paired up for “One Fine Day,” McCreery handled “Go Away Little Girl” all by himself, and everyone came together and blended well on “It’s Too Late.”

     The Ford Music Video of the Week was “Our House” by Madness.  This was actually the first short I actually wanted to see more of.  The Idols drew furniture with black magic markers, the insides were quickly colored then transformed into the actual 3D objects.  Neat.

     Last year’s runner-up, Crystal Bowersox, with darker, browner hair, returned for “Ridin’ With the Rainbow,” an uptempo rootsy track with harmonica played by some fat, nerdy guy that was (thankfully) buried in the mix.  She sure looked happy.  Too bad (like most songs done by artists on this show) I’ve already forgotten the song.

     Ryan Seacrest talked to the contestants, who were sitting on the couch.  The Q&A from fans feature was back with various comments appearing and disappearing on the screen behind him.  They were really distracting.  The host asked the singers various questions from their fans.  Laura Alaina sent out well-wishes to those in the south who were affected by the hurricanes.  Seacrest said he’d be pulling up the singers on stage in random order, whatever that meant.

1.  Haley Reinhart was the first one brought up to hear the results.  For the first time in the history of the show, instead of Seacrest quoting what the judges had said the night before about a performance, we actually saw video of it.  It was probably an improvement.  Then, on tape, Jimmy Iovine gave his own take on how the previous night went and of each singer’s standing with the voters.  He agreed with Jennifer Lopez’s assertion that Reinhart had one of the best voices in the competition, but he believed the contestant still doesn’t really know who she is as an artist.  He sensed the audience felt that as well, so if she went home tonight it’d be because of that.

     The singer must’ve swore because the sound went out for a few seconds!  The 20 year old expressed frustration at the record executive’s opinion because she felt she knew who she was by this point.  Reinhart was safe.

2.  Scotty McCreery.  Iovine says the singer “has a subtly that’s magnificent,” but he’s worried that in this competition, that can get lost and he could be in trouble tonight.  “After the nationwide vote,” Seacreast said, building the suspense… then he sent McCreery back to the couch not indicating whether or not he was safe.  What?!

3.  Lauren Alaina.  Iovine says she “only hears the negative in the critique.”  Still, “My prediction’s she’s here for the long run.”  Seacrest also asked her to take a seat.  OK, this is annoying.  Why bother going through all the feedback from last night then not tell us how it panned out?

4.  Casey Abrams.  Iovine admitted, “I was disappointed because he was on, but he felt that he had to growl.   Casey’s got to realize that the family dog does not vote on this show!”  Great line.  Still, Iovine thought Abrams would be safe tonight.  Seacrest wasn’t letting us know one way or the other.  Like the previous two contestants, he told the bearded one to relax on the couch.  Then, he teased before going to commercial, “More results!”  Pfft!  If you mean more like you gave the last three people, I’ll go watch something else instead.

5.  James Durbin.  Iovine asserted that singing heavy metal (as Durbin loves to do) is not believable and that the rocker will do better when he matches great melodies with a rock feel.  “If he picks the right songs, he can win.”

6.  Jacob Lusk.  Iovine joked (as I did yesterday) about what Lusk wore.  Noting “Idol” is right next to where “Dancing With The Stars” tapes, he said Lusk must’ve gone into the wrong dressing room.  Iovine felt the singer could go home:  “He’s on banana peel status.”  Seacrest asked the other three who were in limbo to join Lusk on stage.  Alaina was safe.  Left on stage were:  Jacob Luski, Casey Abrams, and Scotty McCreery.  Then the host went to commercial.

     I thought it was anti-climatic that after all of his shenanigans, Seacrest didn’t make it clear that these three people were in trouble, in the bottom three.  However, after Bruno Mars and his band performed his current hit, “The Lazy Song,” a reggae-inflected lightweight puff piece (another forgettable song), Seacrest repeated that the results were in random order, meaning, for all we knew, two of the three could’ve received the most number of votes last night.  Why not just reveal to the contestants and the audience where everyone stood?

     I was salivating at the thought that Lusk would finally be sent packing.  Crap.  He was sent to safety.  Really?  Scotty McCreery, who’s never been in the bottom three before could go home?  Had to be Casey.  It was.  Looking back on it, it was telling that he received the only negative feedback from Iovine (as I thought he would), and it was because Abrams became a scatting caricature again as he did five weeks ago on “I Heard It Through The Grapevine,” which would’ve gotten him booted weeks ago had the judges not saved him with their one-time-only veto power.

     Still, he was in high spirits, reprising “I Put A Spell On You,” growling his way into the studio audience, kissing girls, even rolling back onto the stage to sing to his fellow competitors.  Tellingly, he looked into Haley Reinhart’s eyes, grabbed her by the shoulder, and delivered the last words:  “You’re mine!”

     All in all, a confusing and unsatisfactory night because all we got out of it was that Abrams received the lowest amount of votes, and there was no inkling of how the others had fared with voters (embarrassingly, in his recap, the reporter for Billboard Magazine failed to understand this, believing McCreery was in the bottom two).  Ah well.  Maybe next week they’ll at least reinstate the bottom two.  Check in here Wednesday as we zero in on the Top 5.

“The ‘Idol’ Contestants Take On the Songs of Carole King” by Guy Aoki

Wednesday, April 27.  Tonight, the Top 6 were asked to sing something from the 50-year hit catalog of Carole King whose first success, “Will You Love Me Tomorrow” by the Shirelles, hit #1 in 1961.  In the video package, the screen flashed though the many different artists who’ve recorded her songs, but I was annoyed that after focusing on Rod Stewart, the camera went up to the title of his album If We Fall In Love Tonight.  Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis wrote that one, not King.  So why even bother “going there?” 

     To fill time (well, Fox could’ve given us an hour show and not the now-usual 90 minute one), in addition to their individual performances, the contestants sang duets with each other.  I was rather disappointed with the song choices because too many of them came from the catchy yet less sophisticated ‘60s era and stopped at the 1971 Tapestry album.  I’d hoped to hear more mature ‘70s King classics like “It’s Too Late,” “So Far Away,” “Jazzman,” or “Nightingale.”  No such luck.

     Babyface joined Interscope Records chairman Jimmy Iovine in the mentor seat, which was a good idea since he’s a real singer who can address more technical vocal issues than Iovine (glad they finally gave Will.i.am a rest). 

1.   Jacob Lusk:  “Oh No, Not My Baby”/Maxine Brown.  Several people recorded this and only Brown managed to get it into the Top 40 and not very far (#25 in 1965).  My favorite version was by Linda Ronstadt in 1994, but it only became an adult contemporary hit.  It was telling that during rehearsal, Iovine and ‘Face made Lusk sing it 65 times.  Ironically, the lone black guy left in the competition has no sense of rhythm—he couldn’t sing the chorus on the right beat!  Which makes sense because he’s driven me up the wall with his “all over the place” style of singing which means no discipline and just unchecked emotion.  However, because last week, the judges said they wanted Lusk to take off the restraints again, Iovine reversed his earlier direction to not overdo it by telling him to go for it. 

     The performance started off strangely with Lusk appearing--in a ridiculous plaid dark blue jacket which clashed with his ‘50s-looking light blue vest, yellow shirt, and old-fashioned bowtie--then back-up singers entering the stage.  At first, I thought he was going to do a duet.  It says a lot that in the end, Lusk only attempted the chorus once and was flat climbing up to it.  He never sang the succeeding choruses, instead letting the background singers do them so he could let out long “ahhhhhhh!”s (which were meant to impress the judges) and spend a lot of time doing vocal riffs.  But he couldn’t sustain his final long note without again veering off key. 

     Steven Tyler said the singer’s strut was magic.  Jennifer Lopez tried to be complimentary but had to acknowledge that he was “having so much trouble with it.”  Randy Jackson noted Lusk went sharp in a couple of places but liked the energetic performance, believing “the scatting was incredible.”

2.   Lauren Alaina:  “Where You Lead”/Barbra Streisand.  Not the strongest song (even though it later became the theme for “The Gilmore Girls”) as Streisand released this as a single twice in the early ‘70s, one in a studio version and another in a live concert medley with “Sweet Inspiration.”  She barely made the Top 40 both times, reaching #40 and #37 respectively.  During rehearsals, the 16-year old admitted being afraid to go for high notes because she was afraid she wouldn’t pull them off.  Babyface asked if she ever failed while attempting them, and she admitted no.  “Duh,” he responded.  Miley Cyrus walked in and, with her 40-year old whisky drenched voice, gave Alaina encouragement advising her not to worry about what people say on the internet as they’ve said horrible things about both her and Iovine (yeah, but they’re right about you, you little eye-pulling, self-absorbed, spoiled brat!). 

     During her performance, Alaina looked confident, picking up a guy from the audience and dancing with and singing to him (Ryan Seacrest later find out he was 19 and warned him “we have rules!”).  She tried the high note at the very end, but it wasn’t quite as pure in tone.  Lopez said it was OK that her voice cracked because she was at least pushing herself.  Jackson agreed with me that he didn’t love the song calling it “a little bit safe and boring” but felt she managed to make it into something more.  As she listened to Tyler’s compliment with a sweet smile and tears in her eyes, I have to admit for probably the first time ever, I felt for her (later in a backstage interview, she explained her emotional response saying she knew she blew the note so was so happy the judges liked her performance anyway).   

3a.  The first “filler” duet featured Casey Abrams and Haley Reinhart taking on “I Feel The Earth Move.”  Reinhart looked confident--radiant even--especially when smiling across the judges table looking at Abrams (no wonder; they’re supposedly a couple).  Abrams sounded terrific when he added his harmony for the first time.  And toward the end, he deviated from the melody (a good idea because it can quickly become monotonous) enough to make it his own.

     Seacrest only asked one judge for feedback—Tyler—who said it was “nothing but good.”

4.  Scotty McCreery:  “You’ve Got A Friend”/James Taylor.  Acknowledging that the judges actually criticized the country singer for the first time last week (about time!), Iovine and Babyface wanted McCreery to really concentrate on starting soft so he could build to something and to not rely on his security blanket--singing baritone all the time (remember during his audition and Hollywood week, he did the same song three times simply because it showed off his lower range?!  It became a joke).  Good advice.  And although the arrangement was still country, we’d never heard it with that flavor, and the strings took it to another level.  For the first time, McCreery actually looked (no smirk, no weird eyebrow movement) and sounded sincere in what he was singing as opposed to looking like he was thinking, “Sh*t, I’ve got the audience eating out of the palm of my hand!  Just wait till I get to that low note!  They’re gonna flip out!”  It certainly helped that it’s one of the best songs ever written.

     Jackson felt the beginning was flawless but advised him to hold on to the high notes longer because he fell off of them too quickly.  Tyler said, “I don’t think you ever sounded better.”  Lopez loved hearing the higher range in his voice and that “you told that story beautifully.”

4.  James Durbin:  “Will You Love Me Tomorrow”/The Shirelles.  The rocker wanted to prove he could just sing a ballad.  He started the song with a single strum of his guitar (which was totally unnecessary--he shouldn’t have played it) then sang a cappella for a while before the band kicked in and made me feel like I was at a sock hop.  Durbin may’ve fooled most people, but he still ended up shrieking from the middle of the song on, so this was not purely a ballad performance.   

     I knew the judges would be fooled.  They were.  Lopez called the beginning “totally magical” and said he was the first performer to get her moving all night.  However, she rightfully asserted he’s been consistently strong every week (unlike the others—ahem.).  Jackson felt Durbin proved he wasn’t just a great rock singer but a great singer, period.  He went as far as calling it the best performance of the past two months:  “This guy might win the whole thing!”  At Seacrest’s encouragement, the judge even went on stage to hug the guy!   In all fairness, if Durbin doesn’t win this contest, it’s a joke.  He really is the strongest vocalist here.

4a.  Lauren Alaina and Scotty McCreery teamed up for the umpteenth time to sing “Up On The Roof,” first made popular by the Drifters.  Wish they’d done James Taylor’s more sophisticated 1979 version instead.  McCreery was back in his element relying on his annoying, ever-animated eyebrows and baritone again.  Ho hum.  Well, they’re not really getting judged on this one, so what the hell.

     After coming back from a commercial, Seacrest seemed a bit lost.  He looked into the audience and said, “Carole King is over here.  Carole King’s daughter Sherry!” 

5.  Casey Abrams:  “Hi-de-Ho”/Blood, Sweat & Tears.  This should’ve been a perfect choice for the bluesy singer.  He began his performance in top hat and tickling the top half of the ivories as a pianist played the lower notes.   Great touch and impressive that he can play yet another instrument.  But soon, the band kicked into a clichéd blues riff you’ve heard since childhood, and I realized the bearded one wasn’t so much singing the song as much as growling and scatting through it.  Of course, Jackson loved it, saying it was entertaining and that he felt like he was watching “The Casey Show and Revue.”   Tyler, chose his words carefully (perhaps because he said so many bleepy things last week):  “The best mother… lovin’… show… I’ve seen… It made my scalp itch, it was so good!”  Lopez liked it too but advised Abrams to loosen up physically--especially his legs. 

6.  Haley Reinhart:  “Beautiful”/Carole King.  I was not looking forward to hearing this obscure track from Tapestry.  In rehearsals, Iovine kept forcing the singer to put more emphasis on the word “get” as in “You got to get up every morning.”  It made a big difference as the singer confidently took to the stage to a strong beat and blaring horns and gave an aggressive performance (the singers have really benefited from getting coached by Iovine and his team this year; before, the contestants were left to come up with their own arrangements, and that’s probably why so many of them failed every week).  She then transitioned into quieter, more reflective verses, and I have to admit it was pretty good for a non-hit. 

     Tyler made quite a declaration:  “I just saw God.  I heard God in your voice.”  Lopez:  “Beautiful.  You have one of the best voices in this competition.  Amazing.”  Jackson didn’t love the beginning but loved the end.

     For the only time tonight, instead of hearing only one performance before going to commercial, we heard a second song, Jacob Lusk and James Durbin doing “I’m Into Something Good” by Herman’s Hermits.  They took turns serenading Lopez with the judge turning her seat to face the audience, gamely looking at each of the singers alternately, and putting on an “oh my gosh!” face.  It was pretty funny.  Again, Lusk went off key toward the end on the title of the song (not good).  Tyler asked, “Where were you going with all that?!”

     Once again, none of the six contestants gave a really bad performance but tomorrow night, half of them will wind up in the bottom three no matter how well they did.  So it comes down a lot to a popularity contest.  Lauren Alaina, Scotty McCreery, and James Durbin have never landed in the cellar before, and I don’t believe any one of them did anything to get there this time.  So I’m assuming Jacob Lusk, Casey Abrams, and Haley Reinhart (she’s been there the most) will be in the bottom three.  Going home:  Jacob Lusk (he received the second lowest votes last time, and he’s still going off key).

     Check in here tomorrow night for a breakdown and analysis of the results.  Last years’ runner up--Crystal Bowersox--and coke addict Bruno Mars will perform.    Till then, remember:  Don’t try melisma at home.  If you don’t know what you’re doing, you could hurt yourself.

“How Often Can Someone Be In The Bottom Three Without Going Home?” by Guy Aoki

Thursday, April 21.  Fans of television’s #1 show cast more than 52 million votes last night and we heard some eyebrow-raising performances before learning the results.  Jacob Lusk, Stefano Langone, Lauren Alaina and Haley Reinhart teamed up to cover Train’s “Hey Soul Sister” with the two guys singing together then the two girls doing the same.  The Ford Music Video of the Week was for “World” which featured a memorable scene of Idols lassoing the clouds.

     The real surprise of the night was the great, textured vocal blend the remaining contestants generated for Coldplay’s “Viva La Vida.”  Scotty McCreery’s country vocals actually fit in fine alongside Casey Abrams and James Durbin meaning he can sing in a higher range just fine if he only tried it once in a while.  Someone was a bit off key on the final “oooh.”

     Ryan Seacrest wanted to give Lusk a chance to defend himself against his fellow contestants jokingly calling him a diva the night before.  Oh, really, is it wise to bring attention to that?  Lusk said he assumed it was more about the notes he hit and not his personality.  No, man, it’s your personality.  Diva as in Elton John, your idol Luther Vandross, and skater Johnny Weir.  In other words, very gay.  Last night, Lusk himself warned his fellow competitors, “Let’s not go there.”  Oops.  Too late.

     Casey Abrams and Lusk were called to center stage to hear their fate.  Seacrest asked Abrams if he’d planned on kissing Jennifer Lopez at the end of his song last night.  Nah, he was “just gonna breath in her face,” but she gave him an opening.  Lopez said she liked the kisses better.  Lusk expounded upon the technical problem he faced last night:  At first, he heard music then it stopped.  Then he heard only drums and kept debating if he should stop or keep going; he continued singing.  Jacob was making a return to the bottom three.

     Season 7 winner David Cook returned to debut “The Last Goodbye,” the first single from his upcoming new album which will be released next week.  Surprisingly, his voice actually veered off track on the first verse.  Although the title of the song was given away too early in the verse (supposed to save it for the chorus, silly), it was upbeat and kinda catchy.  It might grow on me, meaning it was probably a good choice to lead off that important second post-Idol album.  Cook said his Mom wanted to see Steven Tyler, so she was given the chance to go over to the judge’s table to hug him.

     The host brought Lauren Alaina, James Durbin, and Stefano Langone up to hear their status.  Seacrest asked Randy Jackson if Stefano had performed well enough to stay out of the bottom three this week.  He said yes.  Oh well.  He was there for the fourth time.

     Haley Reinhart and Scotty McCreery were the last two standing.  Because the judges finally gave the country boy his first real (and long deserved) criticism last night, I was hoping the voters would acknowledge it by not supporting him as much as they’d done in the past.  Well, maybe that happened, but not enough to place him in the bottom three:  He was safe and Reinhart was back there for the third time.

     Seacrest almost immediately sent her back to safety on the couch, leaving Jacob Lusk and Stefano Langone.

     During the commercial break, we were treated to a cool one-minute long trailer for the Green Lantern movie.  I have hopes for this one because I’ve been collecting comics since June of 1972 and Hal Jordan has been one of my favorite superheroes of them all.  Just wish they hadn’t messed with his mask and let him keep the white gloves (it’s green in the film).  And that lantern doesn’t look right.

     Katy Perry and Kanye West took to the stage to sing their #1 hit “E.T.”  Perry was dressed in a white space-looking outfit with glowing pink trim and too much eye make-up.  Can’t believe this is what America likes these days.  It was a boring, dreary track.

     Before revealing who was going home, Seacrest asked Jennifer Lopes to summarize her feelings towards the two men in the bottom two.  She remembered Lusk fondly for his rendition of “A House Is Not A Home” and marveled at how far Langone—their wildcard save—had come.  Steven Tyler said that neither of them deserved to be up there.  Of course, he didn’t offer who should be either.  Going home?  After four appearances in the bottom three, time finally ran out for Stefano Langone.  James Durbin hid his face in his hands.

     Langone was eager to sing his swan song, Stevie Wonder’s “Lately.”  Did a pretty good job too.

     Next week, the Idols will sing hits written by Carole King.  At that point, fully half of the Top 6 will be in the bottom three no matter how well they perform.  Check in here Wednesday night to hear the blow by blow.  And remember:  Don’t try melisma at home.  If you don’t know what you’re doing, you could hurt yourself.