“They Lied” by Guy Aoki

Thursday, March 31.  Before the theme music from “American Idol” kicked in tonight, the producers tried to build tension by showing behind-the-scenes footage of the Top 11 contestants nervous about which two were going to be cut by America’s votes.  It ended with chilling words over someone playing the piano:  “And you won’t believe who’s going home.”

     It gave me hope because last night, I predicted it was going to be the end of the road for Thia Megia and Naima Adedapo.  Although I was frustrated with Megia’s stubborn insistence on almost always choosing ballads and not showing off the sassy side I saw in Hollywood week, I loved her voice and her grounded, smiling, serene presence.  Adedapo had long overstayed her welcome, and I was salivating at her being given the boot.  But did the ominous warning mean Casey Abrams would be eliminated again (with no judges’ veto to save him this time) or someone more popular like Jacob “yuck!” Lusk?  Even Paul “I can’t sing for crap but somehow I keep fooling everybody” McDonald?

     Host Ryan Seacrest informed the crowd that there were over 55 million votes last night, 25 million more than the previous week, which is pretty impressive.  I was not looking forward to the three musical guests:  Fantasia, Will.i.am (WTF?  Didn’t he just perform last week?!  Oh, it was two weeks ago?  Same smell!), and one of the ugliest men in show business Jamie Foxx.  In a twist, before the contestants were called to center stage to hear their fates, they sang with each other.

     First up was Lauren Alaina and Scotty McCreery, the two most country-ish singers performed—what else?—a country song “I Told You So” by Randy Travis.  You could barely hear Alaina’s lower register in the beginning verses.  In any case, both of them were safe.

     The weekly Ford music video was built around “Kryptonite” by 3 Doors Down.  Some of the singers were given super powers like super speed and energy blasts, so at least this one was memorable.  But no, this is “Idol,” so one promo within the show is not enough:  The contestants informed us that we could be part of a challenge to find 11 icons within the videos if they went online.  Don’t fall for it, folks.  They’re just trying to extend their fricking ads.

     Naima Adedapo and Jacob Lusk sang Ashford and Simpson’s “Solid.”  Well, Adedapo did.  For some reason, Lusk struggled with it.  I hate his voice, but it was barely there tonight.  In fact, it was laughable as he tried to build excitement back to the chorus.  As I predicted last night, Adedapo was in the bottom three.

     Fantasia, “Idol” winner  from Season 3, returned to sing her latest single “Collard Greens and Cornbread.”  I’m not joking.  I guess the follow-up’s going to be called “Fried Chicken and Watermelon.”  It had a nice ‘70s feel to it, so musically, it wasn’t bad.  But I’ve hated this train wreck since day one.  Let’s see, she got pregnant by a guy who beat her (sorry, no sympathy) shoplifted, had a lot of attitude (for God knows what reason), was illiterate, went on to have an affair with a married man, and when the scandal broke, tried to commit suicide.  Yeah, real winner there.

     When she first started cackling, I was confused:  I thought Eartha Kitt was dead.  Had a Martian landed on the “Idol” stage without anyone knowing?  Ye Gods, the woman must’ve gained 30 pounds.  And she kept yelling at me with that pale, fat tongue.  Shades of Jacob Lusk!  Great, last week, we had Jennifer Hudson.  Now, we have another female Jacob Lusk.  Before the final notes, she said to one of the judges in the voice of a four-year old who’d just swallowed helium:  “Steven--I love you!”

     When Seacrest asked her what advice she’d give the singers, she said don’t surround yourself with yes-men but with people who tell you what you need to know.  Sound advice.  That and stay in school and don’t get pregnant before you get married—certainly not by men who beat you.

     Haley Reinhart, Pia Toscano, and Thia Megia took on Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream” and created a great vocal blend on the chorus.  Megia didn’t get to sing any leads, which foreshadowed the fact that she was in the bottom three. 

     Paul McDonald, James Durbin, Casey Abrams, and Stefano Langone came out and ruined “Band on the Run” by Paul McCartney and Wings.  Well, McDonald cast a pall over the entire effort with his opening lead vocal.  Once again, his voice sounded non-existent.  Seriously, why do people keep voting for this guy?  Is it because of his ultra-white teeth?  Seacrest told Abrams if he saw how many votes he got, he’d be very proud.  He was safe as was James Durbin.

     So either Langone or McDonald didn’t get enough votes.  Keeping the “Idol” opening warning in mind, it had to be McDonald since the judges still liked him.  Thank God.  It was.  I now assumed the surprise was that he, who had never previously placed in the bottom, would be going home.

     In the latest “we gotta promote a new movie” scheme, Brazilian-styled dancers in bright white, yellow, red, blue and orange outfits took over the stage and danced in the audience as Jamie Foxx and Will.i.am performed a song from the upcoming film “Rio”--“Hot Wings.”  I’ve already forgotten how it goes.

     OK, so Naima Adedapo, Thia Megia, and Paul McDonald were brought up on stage again.  The only one of them safe was McDonald, meaning Adedapo and Megia were going home.  So why was this a surprise?  It’s exactly as I predicted it last night—both the bottom three and who were going home.

left to right:  Adedapo, Megia, and Seacrest. 

     I felt bad for Megia but was glad I’d never have to see Adedapo’s worried, wrinkled forehead from now on.  Both will have problems securing recording contracts.  In the past, the only successful contestants who didn’t reach the Top 8 were country artists.  If you can go for a niche audience, you can carve out a following and get radio airplay.  But if you’re just another pop singer, you need to do better than come in 9^th or 10th.

     After being stuck in neutral with the Top 11 for two weeks, we’ll be back next week with the Top 9 as we move toward the May finale.  Till then, remember:  Never use melisma unless you know what you’re doing.  You could hurt yourself.

“The Top 11 Sing Elton John” by Guy Aoki

Stefano Langone serenades judge Jennifer Lopez.

Wednesday, March 29.  Because the judges chose to save Casey Abrams last week, the same 11 contestants got a second chance knowing two of them would be going home tomorrow night.  The theme this week was songs by Elton John (since he’s appearing on “Saturday Night Live” this weekend, it would be great if he showed up here tomorrow night).  Somehow, I knew someone would be singing “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down On Me.”  Yep.

1.   Scotty McCreery:  “Country Comfort.”  Don Was, producer.  Our country boy said he took an interest in the song when he noticed “country” in the title and it seemed to work fine for him.  Geesh, that was too easy.  Was suggested he use the second verse because it talked about factories while the first verse talked about a grandma, but McCreery wanted to sing the latter because his grandma would be in the audience that night.  Strumming his guitar, the teenager sang what you’d expect:  country.  He smugly eyed the audience with a “you’ll love this!” look then unleashed a final low note which impressed the audience and judges.

     God, this guy’s cocky and hard to watch.  Predictably, no “that was too safe” or “you keep singing country every week” comments as they’ve scolded Pia Toscano and Thia Megia for doing ballads all the time.  No, only “you have seasoned so fast!” from Randy Jackson who added that it sounded like it could be on a record.
2.  Naima Adedapo:  “I’m Still Standing.”  Don Was, producer.  When host Ryan Seacrest teased before going to commercial that she’d be doing a reggae version of an Elton song, I thought, “bad idea.”  Reggae is one of the most limiting musical forms around.  If you’ve heard one reggae song, you’ve heard them all.  The contestant believed no one else had ever done an Elton John song in this style.  “Yeah, for good reason,” I thought.  Green, orange, and yellow colors engulfed the stage, and she began her performance using an affected “yah mahn” accent saying, “Thees one is for all the people around the world who struggle but steel stand” and proceeded to make us struggle throughout her rendition.  She turned an exciting, life-affirming anthem into a boring experience that just laid there and didn’t go anywhere.

     Jennifer Lopez said she loved her swagger but suggested that song wasn’t meant for a reggae treatment.  Randy Jackson said he loved reggae but “it kinda came off kinda corny” and that it “didn’t quite work.”  Steven Tyler said it fit her.  Yeah, boring.

     After the commercial break, with the ever present Coca Cola logo in the large backscreen, Seacrest welcomed Taio Cruz to the stage.  The soft drink company’s sponsoring a songwriting contest.  People can submit lyrics for a commercial to which Cruz will write the music, and it’ll debut in the finale in May.  In other words, another creative way for the producers to further integrate a commercial sponsor into the show (apparently, the backdrop and coke cups on the judges’ table aren’t enough).

3.  Paul McDonald:  “Rocket Man.”  Record executive Jimmy Iovine urged this weak ass singer to perform it like it’s the encore of a concert performance--with a lot of energy.  Either McDonald rejected that advice or he has no idea what energy is because his version was so relaxed I almost fell asleep.  I’ve said he sounds like a poor man’s Rod Stewart.  Uh, more like a poor man’s Kenny Loggins.  Finally realizing he even looks like him.  McDonald’s voice gave out in places where he was trying to be sexy and whisper lyrics.  Jackson noted a couple of “pitchy” moments but otherwise fell for “the quiet moments” again.  Lopez felt he was holding back too much and not really going for stronger notes he’s probably capable of.  Or maybe this is the best he can do?  Tyler made an eyebrow-raising comment:  He loved it when McDonald didn’t hit all the notes.  Good grief.  Will someone just vote McDonald off the show and put me out of my misery already?

4.  Pia Toscano:  “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down On Me.”  Rock Mafia, producers.  OK, here we go, the song I predicted.  It’s been performed too many times by too many “Idol” contestants and no one’s ever added anything to it.  Neither did Toscano.  Predictably, it was overwrought and she ended it the way she seems to end everything:  “Ohhhhh yeaahhhhhhh!”  Tyler slighted Jackson by saying some were wrong in saying she shouldn’t keep singing ballads.  Lopez said it was “crazy what you do with your voice” and that she felt her more than ever.  Jackson, feeling a bit defensive, pointed out he always said she sang the ballads well and that she once again “slayed” it, but he wanted her to show more range by doing something with at least a mid-tempo feel. 

5.  Stefano Langone:  “Tiny Dancer.”  Iovine was rough with this guy, stopping him many times in the studio when he was off his mark or didn’t sing the melody the way he wanted him to.  I give Langone credit for being able to hit the high notes that Elton John himself can no longer reach.  He confidently ended the song by walking up to the judges table, singing, “tiny dancer in my hand,” and taking Lopez’s hand.  Great touch.  She loved it.  Jackson felt that he connected with the audience.

     When we came back from the break, Howie Mandel was in the audience talking with Langone’s father (Full disclosure:  I hate Mandel.  I always thought he was painfully unfunny, and he “sealed his fate” in 2001 when he tried to get laughs by making fun of my name on Bill Maher’s “Politically Incorrect” while defending fellow comedian Sarah Silverman, who I had criticized for suing a racial slur against Chinese people on “Late Night With Conan O’Brien.”).  Mandel made a ridiculous transition from their small talk to promoting his upcoming new series on Fox which will go nameless here.  As Cher would say, Pffah!

6.   Laura Alaina:  “Candle in the Wind.”  Before the break, Seacrest teased her selection as “the best-selling single in Billboard history.”  Well, the 1997 version with revised lyrics about Princess Diana, yes, but Alaina did the original version about Marilyn Monroe, so not an accurate statement.  She did it in a slightly country style with a cackle in her voice.  Jackson exclaimed:  ”One of the greatest Laura Alaina performances on this stage!”  The resurgently creepy Tyler (he just turned 63!) told the under-aged 16 year old that “I’ve loved you since the first time you laid eyes on me!”  Lopez called her version “Amazing.” 

7.  James Durbin:  “Saturday’s Alright For Fighting.”  I didn’t have much hope for this because it’s a rather superficial song.  He did a straight forward version of it with his trademark yell at the end.  Tyler cracked:  “Just don’t wear out your welcome.  Don’t be up there too long.  You’ll wind up like me!”  Lopez said she felt like she was at one of his concerts.  Jackson pointed out that he set himself apart from other contestants because he was clearly enjoying himself up on stage.  “Dude, that was a great, great, great performance!” 

8.  Thia Megia:  “Daniel.”  Oh no.  C’mon.  The judges keep telling you not to sing ballads and you insist on doing yet another one?  Her rational:  Her best friend was her much older brother and when he left home after graduating from high school, she cried for days.  She was going to channel those feelings into this performance.  Iovine told her the audience had to believe she felt the song or else she’d be in trouble.  Oh, I believed her.  She seemed on the verge of tears at the conclusion of the song.  But I still think she’s in trouble.  What’s more, she didn’t quite hit the high note on “Daniel you’re star.”  Lopez said that Megia, like others tonight, were internalizing the lyrics of the songs (notice it wasn’t a comment specifically about Megia’s performance, which is not great).  Jackson said she had a couple of pitch problems and that it was still a safe selection.  Tyler said she sang it well.  The 16 year old blew a kiss to her brother saying she loved him.  I hope that affection will help her remain in the competition. 

9.  Casey Abrams:  “Your Song.”  Rodney Jerkins, producer.  Iovine was brutal:  He made Abrams watch back video of last week’s performance which garnered the lowest amount of votes.  What was wrong with it?  “Everything!”  Jerkins suggested the singer shave off his beard because it was threatening to overwhelm his identity, so we saw the contestant get his hair cut and, we were lead to believe, his growth whacked.  But on stage, it was merely trimmed.  If the audience had tired of his upbeat growlers, it was strategically a smart move to tone down the performance and surprise us with a ballad.  We could still hear the restlessness in his voice which saved the performance from being too drab.  He ended the classic on an unexpectedly high note, which Tyler loved.  But it’s probably impossible to top the moving innocence and naivete of Elton’s original record.  Jackson and Lopez said they were proud to use their “save” on him last week. 

10.   Jacob Lusk:  “Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word.”  Tricky Stewart, producer.  My “favorite” contestant said he knew the song through Mary J. Blige’s version, and who should show up at the studio but his idol.  Iovine correctly surmised that “when Jacob goes to that overdramatizing, he can blow the whole thing.”  The kid from Compton, California, did as he was told, giving a relatively restrained performance and saving his showy note for the end.  But I hated listening to him from his very first three willowy words:  “What’ll I gotta…”  I cringed when he sang “What’ll I do when rarning strikes me.”  That’s right.  That’s how he sings “lightning”:  “rarning.”  And “Shorry [sic] seems to be the hardest word” shortly after.  I mean, this guy can barely speak properly, so there’s not much hope for how words will come out when he’s singing.

     Nice background vocal arrangement, for which Lopez gave props to Tricky.  Jackson didn’t  feel he’d picked his “shining spot” like Pia Toscano had; the judge sounded disappointed that Lusk didn’t do it when he modulated to the higher key.  Of the performer’s final note, Lopez remarked, “You don‘t see that everyday.”  Well, “hear,” but we get it. 

11.   Haley Reinhart:  “Bennie and the Jets.”  Jim Jonsin, producer.  Iovine claimed he engineered Elton John and John Lennon doing “Whatever Gets You Through The Night” in 1974.  Uh, maybe second engineer as in you got the real engineer coffee…  She began her performance sitting on a red piano (which Elton used for one of his Vegas stints, that was a wink to him) then began to growl on the second part of the verse.  In his younger years, Elton had a very fluid voice, and he’d take advantage of it by jumping to some unexpectedly high notes as on “read it in a magazine oh ho,” and to her credit, Reinhart nailed it.  Smiling throughout, she gave a confident performance, though the chorus was kinda hokey and a bit labored. 

     Nevertheless, Lopez crunched up her nose as she got into the groove later exclaiming:  “Yes!  That was it, Haley!”  Jackson went even further:  “Best performance of the night right there!”  Sounding creepy again, Tyler slowly added:  “You… sound… sexy!”

     Once again, most of the Top 11 delivered rather consistent performances, so it might hurt to lose at least one of them tomorrow (not you, Naima Adedapo).  My prediction for the bottom three:  Naima Adedapo, Paul McDonald, and Thia Megia.  Of course, the fans apparently love McDonald because they’ve yet to place him there where he deserves.  Lauren Alina could wind up there in his place but she also seems “performance-proof,” so it might be Stefano Langone or Casey Abrams again if the voters still haven’t warmed up to them.

     Going home:  Naima Adedapo and Thia Megia.  We’ll find out tomorrow night.  Check in here for the results.

“Shocking ‘Elimination’” by Guy Aoki

Thursday, March 24.  Early on, host Ryan Seacrest warned us that when he revealed the judgment from over 30 million votes following last night’s performance show “the outcome of that result may shock you.”  Isn’t that redundant, like saying “the start of the beginning?”  Anyway, he certainly got that right.  It was an hour full of pleasant surprises and at least one shocker.

     Addressing the chronic problem of “pitchiness” that has plagued many of the contestants this year, Seacrest said they sent in an expert to help them out.  Talk about nepotism.  We saw video of Jennifer Lopez’s husband Marc Anthony (who hasn’t had a hit since 2000) working with the singers to make sure they could hear the music and themselves properly in their ear phones.  The fact that no one was cited for a “pitchy” offense last night means the producers should probably  fire their sound technicians (that’s why these kids sang off key so much?  They couldn’t hear themselves?).

     Since this was Motown week, the Top 11 group song was “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough”—the upbeat version by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell.  Wow, Naima Adedapo had to sing a verse of something and she didn’t flub it!  In a smart move, the track shifted to the climax of the Diana Ross power ballad version.

     Then, one of the label’s legendary artists—a man who hasn’t left the company since signing with it in 1960!—began appearing on stage playing keyboards--Stevie Wonder himself.  Lopez and Steven Tyler got a kick out of it, laughing with their heads on each others’ shoulders.  The contestants backed him up vocally as he sang his 1970 hit “Signed, Sealed, Delivered I’m Yours.”  And furthering that surprise, Wonder did a snippet of his 1980 album track that asserted Martin Luther King’s birthday should be a holiday, “Happy Birthday.”  Turns out it was Tyler’s big day.  Some of the women brought out a cake, and all three judges went up on stage.  I liked the loose feel this gave the show; in the past, they almost never moved from their seats.  Tyler said he was speechless.

     After a commercial break, we were “treated” to the weekly obligation, the Ford music video.  This time, the remaining contestants skipped along to the bouncy “All This Beauty,” and the music and visuals were even more forgettable than last week’s. 

     Finally, we began to get down to business as Scotty McCreery, Pia Toscano, and Lauren Alaina were called up to hear their fates.  They were all safe.

     After giving us only three minutes and 15 seconds of their program, the producers had the gall to go to yet another commercial break!

     When we came back, country band Sugarland performed “Stuck Like Glue,” a juvenile ditty with lame lyrics like, “You and me, baby, we’re stuck like glue,” and seemingly a million “woah oh woah oh”s.  Then female lead singer Jennifer Nettles attempted what might constitute a country rap.  Hey, that was greaaaat!  Wouldn’t it have made more sense to instead ask Motown to trot out one of its current acts in an attempt to prove they still have something to offer the world of music?  Or at least walk us down memory lane again with Diana Ross, Smokey Robinson, or Lionel Richie?  The Michael Jackson-less Jackson Five?  El DeBarge? 

     Then we watched silly video of some of the male contestants talking about how they love professional wrestling and acting like Neanderthals at the “Idol” house cracking objects over each others’ heads.  James Durbin and Paul McDonald, two of the wrestling fans, were called up by Seacrest to learn the verdict.  Seacrest used a new “creative” way of making us think both were in the bottom three:  “Both of you are not safe tonight.”  Then Survivor’s “Eye of the Tiger” blared and Hulk Hogan came out from center stage to the delight of both contestants.  They weren’t safe from Hogan.  Get it?  He told them they were actually both safe then threw the host into the audience.  Hey!  I sometimes wanted to do that myself!

     Conclusion #1:  No matter who weakly McDonald sings every week, the judges like him and so do the voters.

     Jacob Lusk, Thia Megia, and Stefano Langone were called to their feet.  As I predicted in last night’s blog, Lusk was safe, but the other two were in the bottom three.

     The fourth group consisted of Naima Adedapo, Haley Reinhart, and Casey Abrams.  Adedapo was sent back to the safety couch.  Hmm, I thought, guess I was right:  Even though she sang well last night, the audience just doesn’t like Haley.  So this was a big surprise:  She was safe but Abrams wasn’t!

     OK, but once again, I correctly guessed two out of the bottom three.

     Conclusion #2:  Every week, the audience throws us off by not supporting someone who, compared to their competitors, deserved to continue on.  Last time, it was Karen Rodriguez, and she ended up going home.

     For the first time, we had men in the bottom three.  The past two weeks were filled with women.

     Before we found out who was in danger of leaving the show and not going on tour, Season 3 contestant Jennifer Hudson returned to sing her latest single, “Where You At?”  Seacrest proclaimed, she’s someone “who’s not only a Grammy winner, but she’s our only Idol winner with an Oscar.”  Actually, she came in sixth place in 2004.  The host turned his head to another camera just before he said “winner” in “Idol winner,” so he flubbed the reading of his cue cards.  Hudson, someone I rooted to be booted seven years ago, is like the female version of Jacob Lusk as they’re both strongly influenced by the church.  The song was forgettable, and if Hudson wasn’t bad enough of a flashback, we were told another former Idol contestant from Season 3—George Huff—had been singing background vocals.  Huff reminds me of Lusk—very cheery.  Very… happy.  I just hate their silly personalities and wooly way of singing.  It was a segment I’d rather forget altogether.

     After the commercial break, I was relieved to learn that Thia Megia had received the third lowest amount of votes and was therefore safe.  OK, this meant that “no connection” Stefano Langone was going home right?  Shocker.  It was Casey Abrams.

     Randy Jackson clearly was in disbelief with his mouth hanging open.  Either the voters took the teddy bear singer for granted, assuming he had enough votes to pass for another week, or they didn’t love him like the judges did.  He began “singing for his life” to convince the music Gods to use their veto power which they can only use on one contestant until they reach the Top Five (then they can’t save anyone).  Then Jackson waved off the band, saying there was no need to continue—the judges knew what Abrams was about.  Tyler announced they were saving him.

     The crowd went wild.  Abrams looked like he was going to throw up, clearly shocked and flattered.  As he later explained, there are 11 contestants and they’re using it NOW?!  Exactly.  I felt it was a mistake.  If the audience is already not behind one of the strongest singers in the competition, what makes the judges think they won’t vote out another worthwhile candidate next week or the week after that?  Take my word for it--it’s a long six weeks till that Top Five.  To me, it’d be more important to save James Durbin, Pia Toscano, or Naima Adedapo.  Just kidding on that last name.  Wanted to make sure you were paying attention.

     Trying to read the mind of the voters, Lopez recommended Abrams get more down to basics and not play a character.  Jackson built upon that, even going as far as saying he shouldn’t growl anymore either!

     This, of course, only means double doom next week:  Two aspiring recording artists will go home.  But Seacrest revealed that they (the producers) had decided that if someone was saved at this point, that summer tour wouldn’t consist of the Top 10- it would be the Top 11.  So everyone on stage could look forward to continuing to get exposure, keeping their names and voices alive in the public eye with the hope of snagging a recording contract months from now.  Or at least hosting duties for a reality show.

     Though I’m always critical of how contestants could do better, I’d have to say last night’s Top 11 performances could possibly have been the best we’ve ever heard of all the past seasons (no one was outright bad).  So it might be painful to see which two will be cut next week.  Stay tuned.  And remember:  Never use melisma unless you know what you’re doing.  You could hurt yourself.

“Surprise of the Night: JLo Offers the Best Critiques”

Wednesday, March 23.  Up until this point, Randy Jackson had emerged as the judge who provided the best critiques of the contestants and didn’t let them slide on “little things” like singing in key while Jennifer Lopez tended to focus more on what was positive, and Steven Tyler, well, he usually thought everything was “beautiful!”  So I was pleasantly surprised tonight when Lopez wasn’t content with everyone’s performances and suggested what was missing from them.

     This week, everyone had to choose a song from Motown’s impressive catalogue.  Two classics sprang to mind that the contestants should not attempt because they were just too frivolous to showcase anyone’s talents:  “You Can’t Hurry Love” and “Baby Love” both by the Supremes.  Luckily, none of the contestants did.

1.  Casey Abrams.  “I Heard It Through the Grapevine”/Marvin Gaye.  Kuk Harrell, producer.  Harrell told “red beard” to hold back and not scream at the audience all the time.  In fact, “restraint” was the word of the week from record executive Jimmy Iovine as well.  Abrams tried climbing to the highest note of the song but took a long time getting there on his first attempt.  Let’s just say Michael McDonald wasn’t losing any sleep on this one—he hit that note squarely on his amazing 2003 remake.  Lopez asserted there was no one like Abrams in music and that he may just have a niche to himself.  Jackson called him an original. 

2.  Thia Megia.  “Heat Wave”/Martha & the Vandellas.  Kuk Harrell, producer.  Great, I thought:  She needed to do an uptempo number after three consecutive weeks of ballads and criticism from all three judges last week for those decisions.  I could already hear her belting out the “yeah yeah yeah yeah!”s Linda Ronstadt did so well on her 1975 remake.  But when she got to that part, the 16-year old sang gentle “ooh”s instead.  Huh?  C’mon, you’re losing them!  Toward the end, she got to the “yeah”s, and she looked happy as she danced around the stage, but I was disappointed that it wasn’t as ferocious a performance as I’d hoped for.  Lopez exclaimed it was “great to see you let loose like that!  Who knew you could do that?  I didn’t!”  Jackson said “it’s about taking chances,” and he wanted to see more because “you can really sing.” 

3.  Jacob Lusk.  “You’re All I Need To Get By”/Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell.  Don Was, producer.  Iovine advised the gospel-influenced singer to restrain himself because it he went all out all the time, it wouldn’t make any impression.  As much as I’ve hated Lusk from day one, I have to admit he did a good job despite his usual quavering vocals on the verse.  Lopez was already jumping up and down in her seat as he sang.  In a first, a judge (Steven Tyler) actually went up on stage and hugged him.  All three judges gave him a standing ovation.  Jackson--who’d already (inaccurately and outrageously) declared a previous performance by Lusk as the best in the history of the show--said the singer could add tonight’s effort as the other best performance asking, “What was wrong with that performance?  Absolutely nothing!” 

     Then it got weird:  Lusk’s grandma wanted to hug him from the audience (he singer let her) and host Ryan Seacrest made a joke that everyone from the first row could now get up and do the same.  He actually made them do it.  Props to Seacrest for a hilarious ad lib. 

4.  Lauren Alaina.  “You Keep Me Hangin’ On”/Diana Ross & the Supremes.  Rock Mafia, producer.  Yarrghh!  In the studio, she was already singing this one in the wrong key.  Iovine admitted that two weeks ago, he was worried because she was stubborn and insecure and those traits got in the way of her performances.  The 16 year old started the song slowly then the S.O.S.-styled guitar riff kicked it into its familiar uptempo groove.  When she got to the sassy part, Alaina tried shifting her head back and forth.  Only problem was that Lopez did it better in her seat.  Alaina’s too young to really pull off the attitude this song required, but she did a passable job.  Jackson said she had “swagger on high.” 

4.  Stefano Langone.  “Hello”/Lionel Richie.  Rodney Jerkins, producer.  During studio rehearsals, Iovine told the contestant he was singing the beginning the song as if he was already in the middle of it.  Again:  Restrain yourself!  It’s crucial advice these young kids need to hear repeatedly because they grew up on Whitney Houston/Mariah Carey/Christina Aguilera who probably looked like deer in the headlights whenever that phrase was suggested to them.  Jerkins told Langone to keep his eyes open while singing so he could connect with the audience, which was interesting, as I’ve felt that this guy doesn’t do the latter and as a result, looks like he’s just putting on a show without any sincerity.  And whereas most people lose an accent while singing, Langone actually picks up an Italian one while performing!  Go figure. 

     I gave the guy credit for singing the melody of the song differently enough that he made it his own (then again, maybe it was a cop out because he couldn’t navigate the original melody of the verses?).  Surprisingly, the judges were harder on him than me.  Lopez said, “I don’t want the intensity to come from you wanting to do well.  I want the intensity to come from because your heart is breaking.”  Wow.  Best advice of the night.  Jackson agreed that “you sounded good, but there was no real connection.”  Tyler also agreed and Lopez added that if he really felt the song, his phrasing would change too.     

6.  Haley Reinhart.  “You Really Got A Hold On Me”/Smokey Robinson and the Miracles.  Rodney Jerkins, producer.   Many of the contestants got a makeover this week, and Reinhart’s curly locks were now straight.  She said she didn’t want to be in the bottom three again, and she did a good enough job that she shouldn’t have to worry about that this time.  But I have the sneaking suspicion the audience has already made up its mind about her.  Jackson felt she started off kind of rough but salvaged it.  Tyler:  “Beautiful.”  Thank you for that, Steven.  Lopez made a strange assessment:  Reinhart may have the most soulful voice in the competition.  What?! 

7.  Scotty McCreery.  “For Once In My Life”/Stevie Wonder.  Jim Jonsin, producer.  Iovine warned him not to make it sound too “lounge-y,” but I think he did.  McCreery sang what was supposed to be a joyous song in—what else?—a country style, and in the beginning, it was rather boring without much emotion.  It’s also alarming that that arrogant look I see every week is resembling George W. Bush a bit too much. Tyler again thought it was “beautiful” and said it was like Glen Campbell and Harry Nilsson (what?!  Oh, maybe he meant “Everybody’s Talkin’”) who successfully sang country songs that crossed over to the pop audience.  Lopez loved his low notes and that he made the song his own but admitted it wasn’t one of his strongest performances.  Jackson agreed on the latter point saying he should’ve hit the high notes earlier but that he pulled it off. 

8.  Pia Toscano.  “All In Love Is Fair”/Stevie Wonder.  Harvey Mason, Jr., producer.  Iovine advised her to get out of her head when she sang and to do it from her heart.  Actually, during the verses, she annoyingly tried to channel Mariah Carey with a quavering voice that often segued into unnecessary falsetto.  Of course, she eventually displayed her now patented lung power on the long notes, impressing the crowd.  Lopez said she was doing everything right but now wanted her to move around as if she owned the stage like Celine Dion would.  Jackson, who worked with Carey (for once, he didn’t drop a name; funny how I’m now doing it for him!), so I guess it shouldn’t surprise me he liked the falsetto bit.  But he pointed out that Toscano sang ballads every week, and he wanted something with more tempo.  Tyler said she was the “closest star in this ‘American Idol’ world,” closing with… wait for it… “it’s just beautiful!” 

9.  Paul McDonald.  “Tracks of My Tears”/Smokey Robinson & the Miracles.  Jim Jonsin, producer.  Iovine suggested McDonald sing the song as if he wrote it.  Easier to do because he was allowed to play his guitar on stage.  Still, I’m not sure if this guy’s over his cold from last week because he sounded just as weak as he has the past two performance nights.  His voice seemed shredded on the bridge of the song, and it got weird when he sang “make up with jooooo!”  Uh, that’s “you” for you non-Martians.  Jackson was worried about his rough start but that he morphed into a Rod Stewart sound (but doesn’t he always?), and he loved the tender notes at the very end.   Tyler said McDonald had a distinctive voice like Bob Dylan or WiIlie Nelson.  Lopez said he was probably “the most seasoned performer here.”  All he needed was a good producer because he was the “complete package.” 

10.  Naima Adedapo.  “Dancing In the Street”/Martha & the Vandellas.  Ron Fair, producer.  Seacrest pointed out that Jackson had yet to use the word “pitchy’ all night and that must’ve been a world record.  I fully expected him to use it with Adedapo, one of the most inconsistent performers of the Top 13, and I was already predicting she would go home tomorrow night no matter what she sang.   But she was smart:  She chose a song that begins with a chorus and actually has no verses--meaning she wasn’t going to screw up that part this time.  Although she botched “every guy” in the bridge, the structure of the classic allowed her to be upbeat the whole time without having to sing too complicated a melody.  Toward the end, she even broke into a 16 second African dance accompanied solely by drums.  I can’t believe I’m saying this, but she gave one of the best performances of the night.  Tyler said she was “the whole package, ate the stage.”  Lopez said Adedapo was the first of the contestants to give her goose bumps tonight. 

11.  James Durbin.  “Living For the City”/Stevie Wonder.  Don Was, producer.  Note for note, the “straight Adam Lambert” delivered, showing off his effortless range.  Lopez said it was so good, she was left speechless.  Jackson felt he had a rough start but that by the end, it was “unbelievable.” 

     Overall, the Top 11 did pretty well, so this is difficult, but based on the performances and comments from the judges, I predict the bottom three will be:  Stefano Langone, Thia Megia, and Paul McDonald.  But last week, the audience demonstrated an independence from the judges by putting Karen Rodriguez in the bottom three for the second week in a row and sending her home.  The voters also stuck Haley Reinhart there for the second consecutive week, so if this trend continues, I’d substitute Reinhart for Thia Megia.  Going home:  Stefano Langone.  Check back here tomorrow night for the results.

“The Wrong Person Gets Sent Home” by Guy Aoki

left to right:  Karen Rodriguez, Naima Adedapo, Haley Reinhart.

Thursday, March 17.  Viewers continued to separate the wheat from the chaff in another stretched out hour-long results show.  At this point, the more marginal singers at least hope to make the Top 10 because that’s the line-up that’ll go on the annual “Idol” tour this summer, get more exposure, and hopefully pick up a recording contract, whereas the other two will soon be forgotten. 

     We were “treated” to this week’s group performance—Steppenwolf’s “Born To Be Wild” with a little bit of Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” (which rips off Madonna’s “Express Yourself”) thrown in as a mash-up perhaps inspired by what that other musical Fox show “Glee” often does:  mesh two songs together.  Worst singer of them all:  Jacob Lusk whose microphone level was barely audible when he first attempted to sing his part.  When his voice came out, it was a monotone read.  Casey Abrams seemed to have the same problem with his mic, but he pulled it off.

     The weekly obligatory Ford Music Video set to “Val Kilmer” was so forgettable the director should be fired.  In what continues to be a new feature this year, we saw a montage of the contestants being silly while being interviewed in the studio.  Thia Megia imitated the southern twang of Lauren Alaina, which was funny and thankfully showed that the 16 year old wonder, besides having a serene smile and grounded personality, has a sense of humor to go with it.

     Host Ryan Seacrest asked Jacob Lusk, Lauren Alaina, and Casey Abrams to leave their seats on the couch and come to center stage to hear their fates.  I knew they were all safe.  They were.

     Next up on the firing line:  Haley Reinhart and Paul McDonald.  We were told-- nauseatingly for the umpteenth time--that judge Randy Jackson’s confused about Reinhart’s musical identity.  She explained that she wants to do a combination of rock, funk, and blues.  I hoped that both would wind up in the bottom three, but only Reinhart did. 

     After coming back from the commercial break, Seacrest pointed out that rapper Pitbull was in the audience sitting next to Jennifer Lopez’s husband Marc Anthony.  Pitbull was the guest rapper on JLo’s new single “On the Floor.”  Last week, its music video debuted on the show, and the exposure helped it jump from #9 to #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100, giving the singer her first chart topper in eight years since “All I Have” with LL Cool J.  All for a forgettable record where Lopez’s thin vocals were drowned out in the mix and her identity lost as Pitbull dominated from start to finish.

     Seacrest made the amazingly daring (and ludicrous) claim that last year’s winner of “American Idol,” Lee DeWyze, “turned from salesman to superstar” on the show.  Really?  When it was released in November, his album only moved 39,000 copies, the lowest sales debut for not only any “Idol” winner but any runner-up!  I’m surprised his record label didn’t drop him after that.  Well, after hearing his boring new song, they will (Why not?  They recently cut 2008 runner-up David Archuleta after his second album tanked).

     The drill continued with Scotty McCreery, Pia Toscano, and James Durbin facing the music.  There was no suspense:  it was clear they were all safe.   We at least got comic relief after Seacrest asked Steven Tyler, “Do you see a little of yourself when you watch James perform?”  Tyler answered, “No…”  After we all had a good laugh, he added, “Yes, of course I do.”  It’s Durbin’s wail.

    Next up, Stefano Langone and Naima Adedapo.  I hoped both croaked with the voters, but only Adedapo was singled out.  I worried when the final pair came up:  Karen Rodriguez and Thia Megia.  Although the judges unfairly criticized the latter contestant for singing ballads every week, I had a feeling the viewers liked and would support her based on her past performances and generally sweet nature.  I hoped I wasn’t wrong.  Thankfully, I wasn’t.  Rodriguez was in the bottom three with Haley Reinhart and Naima Adedapo.

     This demonstrated two things to me:  One, the voters continue to be very much swayed by the comments of the judges (last night, based on their critiques, I predicted Reinhart and Adedapo would bottom out though I mistakenly picked Paul McDonald instead of Rodriguez).   And two, those voters simply don’t care for Rodriguez and Reinhart because they’ve sent them into the bottom three two weeks in a row despite the fact that, last night, they weren’t the worst performers.

     Before the loser was revealed, the Black Eyed Peas performed their latest single “Just Can’t Get Enough.”  Will.i.am began by saying the group was going to “dedicate it to our friends in Japan.”  A nice touch.  The song started off fine with Fergie looking better than usual and sounding good.  Then Will.i.am had to ruin it by singing through an auto-tuned mike.  If that wasn’t enough, Fergie sang these stereotyped, cringe-worthy lyrics:  “I love you long time so you know the meanin’.”  Yeah.  I bet you do his laundry too.  Then the ugly guy (Taboo) started rapping.  Eh, all in all, at least it wasn’t the usual disjoined, haphazard, noisy mess I’ve come to expect from these misfits.

     Back to the main matter at hand.  I was convinced Naima Adedapo was going to get the boot, but she was the first one sent back to safety on the couch.  Despite giving a relatively OK version of “Love Will Lead You Back” last night, the voters wanted Karen Rodriguez sent home.  Seacrest gave her the usual last chance to win over the judges (they can use their veto power to save only one contestant before we reach the Top Five).  She chose to do Mariah Carey’s “Hero” weaving in and out of English and Spanish and pissing me off a final time.  I’m certainly not going to miss bilingual performances.  Good riddance.

     I knew the judges weren’t going to save the singer, but Randy Jackson surprised me by saying the verdict wasn’t unanimous meaning one of them actually wanted to use the save!  Obviously, it was Lopez.  In fact, as the contestant watched the video package of the journey she’d taken up until this point, the judges, in a rare move, came up on stage and began hugging Rodriguez, led by… who else… Lopez.

     Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer.  Let’s think rationally here:  At this point, the only singers all three judges would agree have to make the top five are Pia Toscano, James Durbin, Casey Abrams, Jacob Lusk (ugh!), Lauren Alaina, and possibly Scotty McCreery.  You wanted to waste your one and only vote on Karen Rodriguez?  Really?

     She’ll probably get offers from Spanish language record labels.  As much as she irked me with her Spanglish versions of songs, the wrong contestant was sent home.  It clearly should’ve been Adedapo.  But her days are numbered.  If this pattern holds up, next week, she may once again be in the bottom three with Haley Reinhart and a new “recruit.”

“The Judges And Their Double Standards” by Guy Aoki

Wednesday, March 16.  Tonight, the remaining Top 12 contestants performed songs that were hits in the year they were born.  Unfortunately, the judges made some very wrong calls, assessing several contestants by double standards.  (By the way, remember last week how I gnashed my teeth over “Idol” pimping Red Riding Hood and how I wanted it to flop?  I got my wish.  It got terrible reviews and came in third bringing in only $14.1 million over the weekend.)  This time, we barely got to see any producers in the studio (record executive Jimmy Iovine did most of the talking to the contestants in the pre-taped segments), so it wasn’t always clear who worked with the singers on their tracks.  I’ll list them when they were given credit.   As usual, judge Steven Tyler thought most of the performances were “beautiful,” so unless he said something significant, I’m ignoring him here.

1.  Naima Adedapo:  1984:  “What’s Love Got To Do With It”/Tina Turner.   Rodney Jerkins, producer.  Jerkins, who’s worked with Michael Jackson (“Remember The Time”) and Jennifer Lopez herself (“Love Don’t Cost A Thing”), came up with an interesting arrangement with a contrasting combination of more active drums yet softer synthesizer backdrop.  Ultimately, though, it came off as rather lightweight, not helped by Adedapo’s shaky beginning (again, most Idol singers start off weakly because they can’t navigate the lower notes but can explode on the choruses).  Lopez admitted that last week, she gave the contestant “a pass” on how off pitch she often was, but now, she’s getting the sense that she’s consistently pitchy.  Randy Jackson said he watched back last week’s performance and it was worse than he thought.  Tonight’s vocals?  “They were all over the place.”

     Proving once again that the public was right in not putting Adedapo in the Top 10 in the first place and that the judges made a mistake in giving her a second chance.

2.  Paul McDonald.  1984:  “I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues”/Elton John.  At this point, I can’t remember why I liked McDonald in the first place.  Since making the Top 24, he’s come off as a gay, wispier Rod Stewart.  Tonight, I expected his voice to give out at the end of phrases.  Lopez said she knew he was “struggling up there” but that he still “made it happen.”  Jackson gave one of his nervous laughs (meaning he didn’t like it), said some notes were “very pitchy,” and that he was “under the notes” (not quite nailing the melody) for the first half of the song.  We learned that the performer had been sick all week, but he didn’t sound much better last week either.

3.  Thia Megia.  1995:  “Colors of the Wind”/Vanessa Williams.  Man do I feel old:  I first interviewed Williams in 1992 three years before she sang this Oscar-winning song from Pocahontas.  In that film, the title character chastises the white man’s arrogant assumptions about the Native population.  Megia could’ve been singing it about white people’s attitudes toward the Philippines or Asia in general.  A great song choice with some smart, politically-charged lyrics.  The 16 year old had me smiling although she didn’t sound as confident as before.

     Jackson started out saying that the “vocals were OK…” and immediately received boos from the audience who obviously appreciated her effort more.  He criticized her for singing ballads every week and called this performance safe and boring.  Megia said she chose the song because it reflected what was going on in the world today.  Lopez liked her voice but agreed it was too safe a performance and her little vibrato sounded nervous.  My first real “split” with the judges.  Would they have told Karen Carpenter they were tired of her ballads or recognized how well she did them? 

4.  James Durbin.  1989:  “I’ll Be There For You”/Bon Jovi.  He found an opportunity to let out his trademark scream toward the end, but it’s just too weak a song to built much upon.  Early on, I thought this guy could win the entire competition, but I’m disappointed for the second week in a row.  Steven Tyler began to hint that he could’ve chosen a better song from that year and warned him not to “get too poppy on me!”  Durbin slyly teased that he could be saving an Aerosmith (Tyler’s band) song for the finale.  Tyler said he’d get up there and sing with him.  It was a love fest.  The judges all loved the idea and Durbin’s performance, though Jackson said there were a couple of pitchy spots.  Which makes me wonder why everyone’s still off key at this stage of the game. 

5.  Haley Reinhart.  1990:  “I’m Your Baby Tonight”/Whitney Houston.  Ron Fair, producer.  She struggled with the fistful of syllables in the verse and some of the closing notes of her phrases went off, but she impressively managed to keep up with the scatting after getting into the chorus.  Lopez made an interesting comment:  The singer’s not confident enough in her body; it’s too tense and doesn’t know in which direction to go.  Jackson once again expressed confusion about her identity over the past three weeks:  Alicia Keys, then a country song (by LeAnn Rimes), now Whitney Houston.  What’s the confusion?  The country song was a mistake and Keys and Houston are in a similar pop/R&B pocket.  Tyler said he’d earlier heard a Janis Joplin-influenced blues voice and wanted to hear more of that. 

6.  Stefano Langone.  1989:  “If You Don’t Know Me By Now”/Simply Red (originally done by Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes).  This guy’s always had a shaky voice, and he covers it up with a macho posturing.  Unfortunately, the judges bought it.  Jackson declared it “best performance of the night so far!”  Lopez exclaimed:  “Perfect, perfect song for you!”  I still think the audience got it right when they didn’t vote him into the Top 10. 

7.  Pia Toscano.  1990:  “Where Do Broken Hearts Go”/Whitney Houston.  Bland song. We didn’t see Rodney Jerkins working on this in the studio, but it sounded like another one of his arrangements as it was similar to what he concocted for Naima Adedapo.  He turned the ballad into a midtempo track and fooled Lopez who said she was glad she did something uptempo.  If you substituted it with a ballad backdrop, Toscano would’ve sounded the same!  Jackson pointed out that she’s good every week and that she’s demonstrating that she’s in it to win the competition.  I thought the contestant simply applied her power ballad formula to weak material.  Eh. 

8.  Scotty McCreery.  1993:  “Can I Trust You With My Heart?”/Travis Tritt.  Same old midtempo country ballad that only country fans know.  Lopez loved it that he “pushed it” at the end, meaning the rest of it was pretty stale, right?  Jackson said he loved that he took chances (What’s he talking about?  If he criticized Megia for singing ballads all the time, why not call out McCreery for always doing traditional country?) adding “I believe in you, man!” 

9.  Karen Rodriguez.  1989:  “Love Will Lead You Back”/Taylor Dayne.  She told Jimmy Iovine she didn’t want to just be known as “a Spanish singer” yet she added Spanish lyrics in the middle of the chorus anyway.  The singer sounded too willowy at the start of the verse then did fine for the rest of her selection.  Jackson agreed it had a rough start but that it wound up OK.  Tyler said, “I love it when you break into your ethnic–what-it-is-ness.”  God, I hate it!  Lopez liked it too (duh, she’s a Latina who also speaks Spanish) but reminded her if she couldn’t sing a note well, she’s under no obligation to attempt it—find a sneaky way of getting out of it instead.   You know, like JLo probably does on her own records!

10.  Casey Abrams.  1991:  “Smells Like Teen Spirit”/Nirvana.  Abrams, in his second break from the hospital, was the first contestant to be allowed to play an instrument on stage inside the Top 24 competition.  Though I couldn’t get Weird Al Yankovic’s parody “Smells Like Nirvana” out of my head, Abrams assumed a dark presence, looked in great form thumbing his instrument, and growled the iconic song with confidence.  Probably the best performance of the night.

     Jackson made one of his self-aggrandizing, inflated claims about himself which didn’t even belong in his critique:  “Me being a producer, me being a writer, all the stuff that I do right?”  First of all, I’ve been dying to say this for years:  Before he was hired for the show in 2002, Jackson was not a producer.  He was a bass player on many hit records.  Period.  He was not a producer.  Someone else always called the shots in the studio and told him how to play and when.  The only thing he produced came a couple years ago with a various artists project that flopped.  And name me one song he’s written that’s become a hit.  I can’t.  OK.  End of rant. 

     The point of him raising his “credentials?”  That he loves people thinking about “art first then thinking about commerce” later.

11.  Lauren Alaina.  1994:  “I’m The Only One”/Melissa Etheridge.  Jim Jonsin, producer.  This girl gets on my nerves.  Her Southern accent was so thick, I had to rewind the tape three times to make out the title of what she was going to sing and what she said after that.   Heck, at least she appears to be losing weight.  If she doesn’t slim down, she’s going to have some irreversible problems in about seven years.  Before she sang, host Ryan Seacrest interviewed her so we could all be warned she’s got the flu (and give her a break?).  She didn’t control the low notes of the verse very well (yeah, I know, who does?).  The judges all loved it with Lopez saying Alaina brought a country flavor to it. 

12.  Jacob Lusk.  1987:  “Alone”/Heart.  Jim Jonsin, producer.  Jesus, I can’t even stand this guy’s speaking voice.  Then he began singing, and I had to put up with his quavering voice and fat, pale tongue attacking me on screen.  He went so over the top, he ran off-key in the chorus.  At least Jackson acknowledged it, adding he didn’t recover from it for two bars!  But of course, he “loved it.”  Lopez praised him because “you give yourself completely to every performance.”  Yeah, that’s the problem.

     OK, since I found myself splitting with the judges on so many contestants, I’m offering two sets of predicted bottom threes:  As usual, those based on the performances and the judges’ comments and another based on my personal taste.  In the first category:  Naima Adedapo, Paul McDonald, and Haley Reinhart (the voters put her there last week).  My personal bottom three:  Naima Adedapo, Paul McDonald, and Stefano Langone.  Going home in both cases:  Naima Adedapo.

     Hey, wait a minute!  At the end of all this, we essentially disagree on only one singer?!  I’m confused!

     Check back here tomorrow night to hear the results and see if I can maintain my “perfect guessing record.”