“How Often Can Someone Be In The Bottom Three Without Going Home?” by Guy Aoki

Thursday, April 21.  Fans of television’s #1 show cast more than 52 million votes last night and we heard some eyebrow-raising performances before learning the results.  Jacob Lusk, Stefano Langone, Lauren Alaina and Haley Reinhart teamed up to cover Train’s “Hey Soul Sister” with the two guys singing together then the two girls doing the same.  The Ford Music Video of the Week was for “World” which featured a memorable scene of Idols lassoing the clouds.

     The real surprise of the night was the great, textured vocal blend the remaining contestants generated for Coldplay’s “Viva La Vida.”  Scotty McCreery’s country vocals actually fit in fine alongside Casey Abrams and James Durbin meaning he can sing in a higher range just fine if he only tried it once in a while.  Someone was a bit off key on the final “oooh.”

     Ryan Seacrest wanted to give Lusk a chance to defend himself against his fellow contestants jokingly calling him a diva the night before.  Oh, really, is it wise to bring attention to that?  Lusk said he assumed it was more about the notes he hit and not his personality.  No, man, it’s your personality.  Diva as in Elton John, your idol Luther Vandross, and skater Johnny Weir.  In other words, very gay.  Last night, Lusk himself warned his fellow competitors, “Let’s not go there.”  Oops.  Too late.

     Casey Abrams and Lusk were called to center stage to hear their fate.  Seacrest asked Abrams if he’d planned on kissing Jennifer Lopez at the end of his song last night.  Nah, he was “just gonna breath in her face,” but she gave him an opening.  Lopez said she liked the kisses better.  Lusk expounded upon the technical problem he faced last night:  At first, he heard music then it stopped.  Then he heard only drums and kept debating if he should stop or keep going; he continued singing.  Jacob was making a return to the bottom three.

     Season 7 winner David Cook returned to debut “The Last Goodbye,” the first single from his upcoming new album which will be released next week.  Surprisingly, his voice actually veered off track on the first verse.  Although the title of the song was given away too early in the verse (supposed to save it for the chorus, silly), it was upbeat and kinda catchy.  It might grow on me, meaning it was probably a good choice to lead off that important second post-Idol album.  Cook said his Mom wanted to see Steven Tyler, so she was given the chance to go over to the judge’s table to hug him.

     The host brought Lauren Alaina, James Durbin, and Stefano Langone up to hear their status.  Seacrest asked Randy Jackson if Stefano had performed well enough to stay out of the bottom three this week.  He said yes.  Oh well.  He was there for the fourth time.

     Haley Reinhart and Scotty McCreery were the last two standing.  Because the judges finally gave the country boy his first real (and long deserved) criticism last night, I was hoping the voters would acknowledge it by not supporting him as much as they’d done in the past.  Well, maybe that happened, but not enough to place him in the bottom three:  He was safe and Reinhart was back there for the third time.

     Seacrest almost immediately sent her back to safety on the couch, leaving Jacob Lusk and Stefano Langone.

     During the commercial break, we were treated to a cool one-minute long trailer for the Green Lantern movie.  I have hopes for this one because I’ve been collecting comics since June of 1972 and Hal Jordan has been one of my favorite superheroes of them all.  Just wish they hadn’t messed with his mask and let him keep the white gloves (it’s green in the film).  And that lantern doesn’t look right.

     Katy Perry and Kanye West took to the stage to sing their #1 hit “E.T.”  Perry was dressed in a white space-looking outfit with glowing pink trim and too much eye make-up.  Can’t believe this is what America likes these days.  It was a boring, dreary track.

     Before revealing who was going home, Seacrest asked Jennifer Lopes to summarize her feelings towards the two men in the bottom two.  She remembered Lusk fondly for his rendition of “A House Is Not A Home” and marveled at how far Langone—their wildcard save—had come.  Steven Tyler said that neither of them deserved to be up there.  Of course, he didn’t offer who should be either.  Going home?  After four appearances in the bottom three, time finally ran out for Stefano Langone.  James Durbin hid his face in his hands.

     Langone was eager to sing his swan song, Stevie Wonder’s “Lately.”  Did a pretty good job too.

     Next week, the Idols will sing hits written by Carole King.  At that point, fully half of the Top 6 will be in the bottom three no matter how well they perform.  Check in here Wednesday night to hear the blow by blow.  And remember:  Don’t try melisma at home.  If you don’t know what you’re doing, you could hurt yourself.

“The Free Ride Finally Ends For Scotty McCreery” by Guy Aoki

Wednesday, April 20.   With the “Idol” contestants cut to seven, some of the judges (thankfully) finally began expecting more from singers who’ve been coasting through from week to week.  In order to fill an hour-and-a-half, the producers stretched it out by showing us pre-taped footage of the Top 7 making fun of each other and bringing back “the bottom six” to sing Lady Gaga’s “Rock Star.”  Once again, we were reminded of the also rans:  Naima Adedapo, Karen Rodriguez, Ashton Jones, Thia Megia, Pia Toscano, and Paul McDonald.  It was clear how biased the voting has been this year when five women appeared on stage then McDonald joined them with a shredded voice that sounded like the cat dragged it in.  He could barely keep up with the song’s upbeat tempo.  The ever-animated Adedapo made such a big jump on the stage she almost crashed into the back of Megia.

     Tonight, the contestants had to choose songs from the 21^st century—anything from 2000 on. 1.  Scotty McCreery:  “Swinging”/LeAnn Rimes.  Interscope Records chairman Jimmy Iovine encouraged the 17 year old to move around the stage more so he would get the non-country fans in his corner in addition to his country base.  The music sounded great with horns bringing more excitement than a typically arranged country track, but as usual, our boy wasn’t singing any differently, at times not seeming to keep up with the beat.  His ridiculous, corny expressions with his eyebrows were increasingly getting on my nerves.  I guessed the judges would once again be fooled into thinking McCreery actually changed it up when, in fact, he actually did the same vocal just with a different instrumental dressing.

     I was pleasantly surprised that they didn’t fall for it.  Steven Tyler said the singer should run around the stage more.  Jennifer Lopez said that at this point in the competition, they had to push past their comfort zone.  Randy Jackson agreed, saying it was “so safe, it was actually kind of boring for me from you (God, I hate when he does that!  He avoided that unnecessary phrase for most of the season but couldn’t help himself tonight.  As opposed to “for everyone from you?”  When he starts using the totally redundant “for me personally,” I’ll throw something at the TV).

     But hallelujah!  The judges, who constantly gave this guy a pass with all this bull about him staying true to his (boring and never changing or challenging) country roots, finally held him to the same standard they applied to Pia Toscano and Thia Megia, whom they criticized for doing too many ballads.  At this point, if we know McCreery’s going to do another traditional sounding country song—and he does—how is that a good thing?

2.  James Durbin:  “Uprising”/Muse.  Before going to the break, Ryan Seacrest said for the first time, a contestant was going to sing an original song.  So how cum this one’s already been recorded by Muse?  The best rock singer on the show began performing by walking through the audience, but his first few notes were too low or unintelligible.  Eventually, he wound up to a screaming range them seamlessly dropped down to his regular range, which was quite impressive.  It wasn’t as smooth the second time he attempted it, but he’s clearly the best singer left in the competition and should win this contest.

     Lopez exclaimed, “I think that was the highest we ever heard you sing--or anybody on the show!”  Jackson called it “unbelievable,” even going as far as saying “I think this is probably gonna be the best performance of the night.”  Actually, it was. 

3.   Haley Reinhart:  “Rolling In The Deep”/Adele.  Apparently, the 20-year old was singing the song but—once again—not really thinking about what the lyrics were about because Iovine asked her—as he’s done in past weeks--what the person in the song was feeling.  She’s supposed to be pissed off, and he wanted her to convey that.  Of course, Reinhart smiled throughout most of her performance (she takes direction real well, that kid!).  The selection allowed her to display quite a range including a brief falsetto, but her upper range sounded limited as if she had a slight cold. 

     Jackson said in addition to determining who sang the best, he was also interested in what kind of record a contestant was going to make, and he felt she chose a perfect direction for herself.  He did feel her falsetto was a little sharp (glad he didn’t rely on his usual, too-generic “pitchy”).  Tyler felt she had a slow start but made up for it.  Lopez said there were moments where Reinhart brought her own personality into it. 

4.  Jacob Lusk:  “Dance With My Father”/Luther Vandross.  When Seacrest teased that Lusk was going to sing a something by the man he’s always being compared to, I immediately thought:  Luther Vandross and “Dance With My Father.”  I was right.  In his pre-taped video package, Lusk revealed that his Dad died when he was 12, so he related to the song about a son wanting to see his dead father reunited with his mother.  He cried during rehearsals, and Iovine told him he could understand how he felt because he lost his Dad when he was young too.

     Shortly after he began singing on stage, Lusk looked to his right as if he couldn’t hear the band, lowered his mike, and didn’t quite bring it back up to his mouth in time for his next word.  Weird (he later explained he could only hear drums).  Ironically, the original record had the most annoyingly, mundane but loud drum beat, so I knew this arrangement would have to sound better, but Lusk’s performance was entirely forgettable. 

     Tyler mentioned his stumble, praising him for continuing on.  Lopez recognized it was hard to sing an emotional song and stay in control and that “emotionally, it was a beautiful performance.”  Jackson said his vocals were good “but it didn’t make me jump up and down.”  He felt he was holding back and wanted the restraints off so he could hit the glory (high) notes again to make it more exciting.  First of all, if you have an interesting tone to your voice (as Karen Carpenter, Basia, or Ronald Isley did), you don’t have to throw in vocal calisthenics to impress us.  So Lusk’s voice is basically boring. 

5.  Casey Abrams:  “Harder To Breathe”/Maroon 5.  Taking to the stage with his guitar, the bearded one delivered a fast vocal against a relatively laidback musical backdrop until the rest of the band kicked in.  He didn’t quite hit the upper notes with his growl, but he ended the song memorably by going up to the judge’s table, getting in Lopez’s face, and kissing her. 

     Lopez swooned (I hate to think what Paula Abdul would’ve done had Abrams done that to her; she might’ve gotten undressed right then and there.  You know, out of force of habit).  “See, now, Casey’s not playing fair!  OK?” she protested.  “Casey’s got soft lips!”  Tyler joked, to roars of laughter from the audience, “You did what I’ve been trying to do for four months!”  Lopez continued:  “I loved it!”  Then she clarified:  “The performance!”  Jackson appreciated that Abrams was always full of surprises and that he’s become a “jazz, indie rock guy.”  Tyler must’ve swore because the sounded dropped out for quite a while.  Getting into the spirit of things, Jackson joined in and was also “bleeped.”  That’s greaaaat, Randy.

     After the commercial break, Tyler’s mouth was taped shut. 

6.  Stefano Langone:  “Closer”/Ne-Yo.  When the singer began pleading during rehearsals, Iovine told him to be more confident instead.  During tonight’s performance, Langone went off key on the first verse, and although he stalked the stage and the back of the judges’ table, once again, I wasn’t sure who he was performing to because he was closing his eyes a lot or looking more towards the ceiling than at the audience.  He was back to disconnecting himself from the crowd.

     Jackson was worried how this was going to go but he praised Langone for taking his time singing the verses, feeling he did a “very good job.”  Lopez said, “Speaking for the girls in the audience, I thought it was very, very good.  You really had your swag going on” and that it felt like she was at his concert.

7.  Lauren Alaina:  “Born To Fly”/Sara Evans.  In taped footage, the 16 year old said that after hearing herself on TV, she realized she had “a little bit of an accent.”  Pfft!  Once again, she mumbled the song she was going to do.  I had to look it up just to be certain.  Iovine talked about her confidence problem and how she held back.  After he brought in Rock Mafia, the team which produces Miley Cyrus, he felt her confidence drop again and had to build her back up.  I can’t remember how the song went.  Just another country track with a fiddle.

     Tyler said he’d love to hear her do more Alison Krauss, Faith Hill, and Shania Twain.  In other words, probably something that’s actually melodic.  Lopez praised her for having so much color and character in her voice (again, what the hell is she talking about?).  But she wanted the big boned singer to at least practice those big long notes in private to see if she could do them or she’ll fall behind the others just as Alaina earlier said she feared doing.  Jackson reiterated a tired line he’s used throughout the season:  The singer doesn’t know how good she is.  Uh, I think she does, Randy, because she’s really not that great!

     After seeing a montage of practice footage of tonight’s performances (they’re never the actual performances because unlike the football people, the producers of “Idol” apparently can’t do instant replay fast enough), Seacrest asked the judges for their perspective on the remaining contestants.  Lopez and Jackson said they were all so good that any of them could win the contest.  Jackson, proving how little he thinks about what he says, called all of them, “Dude.”  Not “dudes” but as if they were just one person:  “Dude, come on, please!  Bring it hard.  Be all you can be—every time!”

     Predictions for who’ll be in tomorrow night’s bottom three:  Scotty McCreery (finally!), Jacob Lusk, and Stefano Langone (three times in the bottom three—including the bottom two last week-- more than anyone else).  Going home:  Stefano.

     Check in here tomorrow night to see who winds up going home. 

“The Voters Finally Reverse A Trend” by Guy Aoki

Thursday, April 14.  Since the Top 13 contestants were established last month, “America” has chosen—each and every week—to boot out a female (giving fuel to the theory that screaming teenage girls—the ones more apt to vote numerous times for their favorite performancers—were supporting guys they thought were cute and neglecting singers of their own sex).  That finally ended tonight.  The remaining contestants sang in groups before learning how well they did the previous night.

1.   As they did two weeks ago, Scotty McCreery and Lauren Alaina teamed up for a country song, this time, Lady Antebellum’s “American Honey.”  There was nothing special about it.  It was such a humdrum performance, in fact, that even when the pair continued singing in the back of the judges’ tables, the three just talked to each other!

     But the fate of McCreery and Alaina was put on hold as we saw a behind-the-scenes look at the Top 8 getting an anti-makeover as most played zombies for this week’s Ford Music Video of “Animal.”  Since these weekly ads-within-the-show go by so fast (thankfully) the singers walked pretty fast even for zombies.

2.  Casey Abrams and Hailey Reinhart got together for the jazzy “Moanin’” where they traded growls and scats.  It was kinda fun but ultimately a forgettable song.  How weird that Ryan Seacrest went to the judges for their opinion.  Randy Jackson was all excited, telling Reinhart that’s how she should’ve performed last night, showing more of her personality.

     Finally, the previous four singers were brought to center stage to hear the results.  McCreery was sent to safety (big shock) and the rest were told that one of them was in the bottom three.  It was Haley Reinhart.

     In a taped segment, director Rob Reiner hung out with the contestants answering any questions they had about anything.  In the end, he thanked them for listening “to a fat Jew.”  Oh come on.  Not funny.  Please explain what distinguishes a “fat Jew” from a “fat gentile?”  I loved this guy as Mike Stivic on “All in the Family.”  Over the last 25 years, with his balding head, increasing white hair, and large girth, he’s been unrecognizable.  I would love to see him put on a wig, dye his hair, and play that character again even though Carroll O’Connor’s no longer with us (I know, without Archie Bunker as his antagonist, what’s the point right?).

     The original winner of the first season of “American Idol”—Kelly Clarkson—returned to the stage with Jason Aldean to sing “Don’t You Wanna Stay,” their #1 country duet.  Aldean’s cliched headgear (“I’m a country singer so I gotta wear the big hat”) was so large it cast a long shadow over his eyes.   Pretentious.  Even though she wore a black dress to hide her weight-gain and the cameras tried shooting her from side angles, it was clear how much Clarkson has ballooned since we last saw her.  She had enough hips for two people.  After the song was done and she playfully sparred with Seacrest, the camera finally caught her head on.  Man, she looked like a whale.  She also lacked the star quality we’d previously seen in her.  Maybe it was due to the boring song but she’s really gotta slim down before her album comes out in the fall.

3.  Just like two weeks ago, the four remaining guys performed together strumming their guitars.  This time, they took turns singing a medley of two Simon and Garfunkel classics:  “The Sound of Silence” and “Mrs. Robinson.”  Paul McDonald’s voice was so weak when he came in on his line that it was offensive.  Kick this guy off the show already!  Not surprisingly, he and Stefano Langone didn’t sound all that great together.  But on the first song, I give Jacob Lusk credit for supplying solid harmony to James Durbin.

     More than 53 million votes determined that two of these four men were in the bottom three.  It was Stefano Langone and Paul McDonald.  So after correctly guessing the bottom three the first week, I’ve now accurately predicted two of the bottom three for the fifth week in a row.  Speaking of predictions, last week, I asserted that Pia Toscano--who was shockingly eliminated-- would be picked up by Interscope Records but that the announcement probably wouldn’t be made until after the competition was over so as not to take away from the importance of winning the contest.  Well, within a couple of days came reports that the label had done just that but the company wasn’t officially confirming it.  In an article in Billboard Magazine tonight, even the singer’s sister said she couldn’t speak to that rumor.

     One thing to thank the producers for this year:  We no longer have to put up with Seacrest corralling the contestants to hear a recap of the judges’ comments from the previous night only to have to wait for commercials to hear who’s not safe.  That really pissed off too many people.

     Before we learned who was going home this week, Seacrest introduced two audience members:  Chaka Khan and Anita Baker.  Then Rihanna took the stage to sing her new single “Califonia King.”  Sonavagun, she actually sang the entire thing without going off key!  Whoda thunk it?

     Calling the bottom three up again, Seacrest pointed out that since the audience started voting on the Top 13, only girls have gone home.  For the first time, it was gonna be a guy because Reinhart was safe.  Jennifer Lopez was happy, clapping, probably relieved that her feedback on the singer’s performance last night didn’t doom her.  I thought Langone would finally be put out of his misery so I was a bit surprised—but nevertheless happy—to learn that the person receiving the lowest number of votes was Paul McDonald.

     Based on his performance of “That Old Time Rock ’n Roll” last night, he didn’t deserve to go home, but he should’ve been ejected weeks ago for past crimes against eardrums.

     After we saw video clips of his “Idol” journey that led him to this point, Seacrest asked McDonald to sing his swan song.  He said he didn’t know which one to do.  Jennifer Lopez made a request:  Rod Stewart’s “Maggie May.”   Wow, the band must be mind readers because someone started playing the mandolin introduction of that hit before she even named it!

     Great, now, if we can get rid of Stefano Langone and Jacob Lusk, it’ll be easier to listen to the show in the future.  Check back here Wednesday night to see how the Top 7 do as we count down to the winner of television’s #1 show.

“Some Idol Contestants Clash With Their Mentors” by Guy Aoki

Wednesday, April 13.  In the past, “Idol” singers usually listened to the advice Interscope Records chairman Jimmy Iovine gave them on song selection and approach.  But tonight, more of those vying for the crown decided to follow their own gut instincts, and it paid off.  The theme this week was hits featured in motion pictures which made for some real stretches.  Apparently, the “Idol” producers like Black Eyed Peas member Will.i.am so much that he’s once again serving as a mentor alongside Iovine.

1.  Paul McDonald:  “That Old Time Rock ‘n’ Roll”/Bob Seger.  Iovine suggested McDonald add a beatbox section in the middle, but Will.i.am wisely reminded him of the song’s lyrics celebrating rock and said such an idea would run counter to that pride.  The singer’s first few words were bad from the get go.  When he asserted that “Today’s music ain’t got the same soul,” I felt the same way about Idol contestants like him and the quality of their voices.  This was McDonald’s second upbeat song in a row which helped hide his vocal shortcomings. 

     Jennifer Lopez felt he kept getting better as a performer and that he “killed it again.”  Randy Jackson declared, “America, you just witnessed the first number at the Paul McDonald concert!”

2.   Lauren Alaina:  “The Climb”/Miley Cyrus.  If I didn’t already know the title of this song, I certainly would never have known it from the way this southerner mumbled it.  Iovine told Alaina she was a better singer than Cyrus, which embarrassed her.  It’s hard to keep remembering this contestant’s just 16 years old because her face and size make her look like she’s 40.  She did all right except she didn’t quite make “the climb” vocally on the first chorus, taking a bit too long to get there.  Nevertheless, Lopez said it was “beautifully done.”  Jackson felt she made the song sound as if it was written for her.  Steven Tyler said “I love what you bring to a song, and I love more what a song brings to you.”  Huh? 

3.  Stefano Langone:  “End of the Road”/Boyz II Men.  Will.i.am said the singer, who was in the bottom two last week, had to shake the feeling of “I’m next” or he wouldn’t do well tonight.  Iovine told him, “I’m always giving you a hard time because I believe you can win!”  Liar.  If he was that great a vocalist to begin with, you wouldn’t have such trouble with him.  Langone has one of the weakest voices amongst those remaining in the competition, and he’s the last of the judges’ wild card choices to survive (he should never have been put in the Top 13; his spot should’ve gone to Clint Jun Gamboa).  Still, he sang the song just fine.

     Jackson asserted that the original lead vocalist of that hit--Wanya (pronounced Wan-YE as he corrected me--shaking his head--in my interview with him and the group in 1995; stupid me:  I should’ve known it’d be pronounced that way!) Morris--was going to text him that he “just slayed the song” declaring it “your best vocal on this stage to date!”  Lopez revealed that a few weeks ago when Langone was in the bottom three, she’d given him advice:  “You gotta stop singing to stay; you gotta start singing to win.  You looked at me, and I knew you could do it.  And you did it.  You did it tonight!  That was (I think she said “the shit!” because the sound cut out).” 

4.  Scotty McCreery:  “Cross My Heart”/George Strait.  Our country boy initially tried doing Nilsson’s “Everybody’s Talkin’” but settled on something safer.  He’s making us believe he doesn’t have much of a vocal range (OK, he did go for a high note toward the end but still…) Isn’t it time the judges give the “boy who can do no wrong” the “it’s time to stop being safe and quit doing the same old thing?”  Guess not.  Apparently, Lopez read criticism that the judges are too easy on the contestants because she explained that it’s hard to be tough when they give such great performances.  At least she admitted it wasn’t the greatest song choice.  Jackson, displaying hypocrisy once again (he kept telling Thia Megia and Pia Toscano to stop singing ballads all the time), asserted his supposed motto in life: “If it ain’t broke, don’t you even consider fixing it!”  Somewhere, our two former contestants just flipped a bird at the television screen. 

 

5.  Casey Abrams:  “Nature Boy”/Nat King Cole.  Redbeard wanted to go with this classic but Iovine said it was too quiet.  Abrams tried his second choice--“In The Air Tonight” by Phil Collins--but wasn’t feeling it, so he decided to stick with his original choice.  Iovine told the camera that at this point, the contestants should take the advice of their mentors.  “And Casey chose not to.  So he better be right!”  Woah!  Abrams sang it quietly (going off key a couple of times) playing his upright bass accompanied by a pianist.  They even took a 15 second break just to let the instruments seep in with the singer only scatting over them.

     Steven Tyler started the standing ovation, which was quickly followed by Lopez and Jackson.  Lopez admits she was worried at the beginning but she loves that contestants are performing in so many different styles.  “You don’t have to be a pop star.  You can be Norah Jones” and still sell millions of records and win Grammys.  Jackson said he was happy that they have “real true artists” on the show and he could see Abrams making a jazz album.  “The world cannot live on pop stars alone!”  Tyler said his Mom sang that song to him way back when and the singer made it sound cool again.  He pointed out that Abrams defied Iovine and that he was a true artist for it.

     Conclusion:  Though we don’t know how Abrams would’ve sounded doing the Phil Collins hit, it’s such a sparse song that there’s not much you can do with it vocally.  He probably made the better choice. 

6.   Haley Reinhart:  “Call Me”/Blondie.  She started off on a rough note and once again seemed to be playing “dress up” adding her growl as opposed to it flowing naturally out of her as her normal voice.  She did some high stepping across the stage but it still seemed insincere until she did some cute cooing in the middle that gave it some personality.  Jackson felt it sounded like karaoke in the beginning.  Tyler agreed but still felt she did a good job and liked her (short) dress.  Yuck!  Lopez sided with Jackson though worried she was influencing the public to once again vote off another female when Reinhart was one of only two left.  Still, she felt the singer hadn’t maintained the level of her last two performances. 

7.  Jacon Lusk:  “Bridge Over Troubled Water”/Simon and Garfunkel.  I appreciated the fact that Iovine chastised my “favorite” singer for saying last week that if the audience didn’t like his performance of “Man in the Mirror” that they weren’t in touch with their own feelings:  “Don’t preach to people.”  Lusk thought he’d either do “The Impossible Dream” or “You’ll Never Walk Alone” but Iovine dismissed both as too corny.  He suggested the Simon and Garfunkel classic which was featured in “The Pursuit of Happyness.”  Isn’t that a stretch?  A song which hit #1 in 1970 and was included in a film 36 years later is “a movie song?”  I disagree with the record executive.  Lusk’s choices were rather good ones with very inspirational lyrics.  Jerry Lewis has kept the latter alive all these years as his closer for the Muscular Dystrophy Telethons and I tear up with him every time I hear him try to finish it without crying.

     Anyway, in the taped package, Lusk humbly said, “I hope America likes it.”  No “and if they don’t it’s because they don’t really have hearts?!”  OK, he’s learning.  He screwed up the line “When evening falls so hard.”  It sounded like “when here and fall so hard.”  Ay sos madia!  Otherwise, he did it OK.  I just can’t stand his wooly voice.  It’s not that I can’t appreciate gospel influenced performers; I love Gladys Knight and some of the Staple Singers (“Let’s Do It Again”) stuff.  Lusk is like most of the younger generation of singers who don’t know when to turn off that shakiness in their voices—or can’t.

     As usual, the judges fell over themselves praising him.  Tyler said he sounded “angelic” and that he loved “your crenscendos (sic).”  Jackson said he believed every word he sang. 

8.   James Durbin:  “Heavy Metal”/Sammy Hagar.  Iovine hated this choice saying it didn’t have a great hook.  Durbin argued it’s hard to hear it when it’s played on the piano (during rehearsal).  Iovine seemed taken aback, as if this punk kid was questioning his experience and expertise:  “You think I’m an accident?  I heard a song before it was on the piano and knew it was a hit—somebody just hummed it.”  Still, Durbin--like Abrams--decided to go against Iovine’s advice giving a confident performance where he even sang on top of the judges’ table and shook their hands.   Yes, the hook wasn’t that strong, but the overall performance won over the crowd, and it was the best of the night.  Lopez asked, “Who woulda ever thought that on ‘American Idol’ we would have metal?!”  Why not?  Jackson felt he was at Durbin’s concert  adding, “I’m happy you stuck to your guns.” 

     The case of Abrams and Durbin--and to a lesser extent Lusk (since he went along with Iovine’s advice instead of going with this gut)--illustrates the kind of tension that often exists between recording artists and record company executives who mean well but often assert too much of themselves into the creative process and sometimes wind up forcing performers to make albums they hate or which fail to connect with the public.  On the other hand, there are hundreds of stories of brass forcing artists to record songs they hated which resulted in big hits.  Some examples:  “Do You Know The Way To San Jose” and “Heartbreaker” for Dionne Warwick, “Knock Three Times” and “Tie A Yellow Ribbon ‘Round the Ole Oak Tree” for Tony Orlando and Dawn, “Can’t Smile Without You” for Barry Manilow, and “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” for Steven Tyler’s band Aerosmith.

     Again, predicting the bottom three for tonight is difficult because the contestants are more consistent this year than in the past, but I’m going with Stefano Langone (because he’s been in the bottom three twice even when he sang well the last time he was put there), Haley Reinhart (the only across-the-board disappointment from the judges and she’s also been in the bottom three twice before) and Jacob Lusk (I don’t think the voters have forgotten his arrogant statement from last week).  Going home:  Stefano Langone (he was in the bottom three more recently than Reinhart).

     Check in here tomorrow night after we learn the results and see performances by Rihanna (ugh!) and the original winner of “American Idol” Kelly Clarkson.

“Gigantic Shocker: America Screws Up Royally” by Guy Aoki

Thursday, April 7.  Tonight will go down in history as one of the three most shocking eliminations in “American Idol” history.  In the past, writers pointed to Season 3’s Jennifer Hudson being voted off while still in the Top 6 (I disagree—she never performed well on the show and I was happy to see her go as her wooly, gospel-influenced voice made her a walking black stereotype; it’s because she later won an Oscar that most people think she deserved to stay longer.  She didn’t.) and Season 5’s Chris Daughtry, whom many had expected to win the title but got cut while in the Top 4.  Casey Abrams’ near ejection two weeks ago was nothing to what happened tonight.

     Living in Glendale, California, home of the most number of electrical outages (outrages?), everything went dark three minutes before show time, and I missed the first 11 minutes of results night.  I’ve read elsewhere that the remaining contestants did a medley of “I Love Rock ‘n’ Roll” by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, “The Letter” by the Box Tops, and “Sweet Home Alabama” by Lynyrd Skynyrd.  There was probably the weekly Ford music video, so I’m glad I missed that. 

     When the lights came back on, “Idol” was in the middle of a pre-taped segment where we saw the annoying, whiny Russell Brand bothering the Top 9 contestants with his forced attempts at humor.  This is otherwise known as Idol’s “pimp a movie a week” policy.  Brand’s remake of Arthur opens this weekend.  It’s got bad reviews, folks.  You probably don’t want to see it.  Full disclosure:  Yes, Katy Perry’s hot.  What the hell does she see in this guy anyway?!

     Ryan Seacrest, ringleader of this circus, asked Casey Abrams, Laura Alaina, and Stefano Langone to come to center stage.  Langone was in the bottom three. 

     Season 4’s Constantine Maroulis returned to perform “Unchained Melody.”  Oh great, I thought, the contestants sing cover versions every week and now, a returning artist also chooses to do an old song.  But before he opened his mouth to sing, his guitarist laced a lick throughout the arrangement, adding a different spin to the tired old tune which I’ve always felt had a disjointed melody.  The Greek God was in surprisingly strong vocal form though he wailed against the actual melody (and seemingly into another key) which I said was disjointed anyway, so that was probably an improvement.

     Earlier this week, Gwen Stefani met up with Pia Toscano, Laura Alaina, and Haley Reinhart to try on different kinds of outfits.  Why just those three, I wondered.  Why did they leave out… oh crap!  That’s all the females who’re left in the competition?!  Three out of nine?!  Gulp. 

     Paul McDonald, Scotty McCreery, and Pia Toscano were called up to hear the verdict on last night’s performances.  I thought, in a twist, all three would be safe which would make for an extra tense final grouping of three whereby two of them would be in the bottom three.  Actually, only one of this set was sent there:  Pia.  Big surprise.  Especially since she’s always been considered a contender for the title and had never been in the bottom three before.  

     We saw footage of the Top 9 going to the offices of TMZ.com for some “media training.”  And I got dizzy from the damn camera shifting all over the place.  Maybe that’s the way the TV show does it.  If so, I’m glad I don’t watch it; it’s annoying as hell.  Jacob Lusk said something, which, as usual, was impossible to understand, much like parts of his singing (remember “rarning” for “lightning?”).  The staff tried to give the singers cynical advice on what not to do in order to avoid being embarrassed by the media.  In other words, by assholes like them.

      James Durbin, Haley Reinhart, and Jacob Lusk were last to hear their fates.  In typically annoying Ryan Seacrest fashion, he said, “After the nationwide vote… James!... you are safe.”  I’m still waiting for when Durbin, who has Tourette’s syndrome, is going to swear either in the middle of singing a song or learning the results.  Can you imagine?  Maybe while delivering a tender ballad:  “You left me… f*ck you!  Huh?!  Oh, sorry!”  Or maybe when Seacrest calls him up with two other contestants on results night, Durbin blurts out, “God Dammit!” 

     “Easy there, James, I haven’t said you’re in trouble yet!” 

     “Oh, I’m sorry, Ryan, it’s not you!  It’s this condition I have.  I can’t help it!  I’ll--sh*t!” 

     Before we found out who was leaving tonight, we were “treated” to a performance by… Iggy Pop.  Iggy Pop?  Off the top of my head, I can name over 100 artists more deserving of exposure on television’s #1 show than that loser.  Tommy James and the Shondells, Richard Carpenter of the Carpenters, the Jackson 5 even without Michael Jackson, the sole remaining original member of the Temptations, the Pips without Gladys Knight.  You get the picture.  Typically, without any shirt on, Pop sang the repetitious “Real Wild Child” and looking really lame asserting “I’m a wild one!” over and over again first to the audience then to Jennifer Lopez at the judge’s table.  Uh, I’m sure she was really impressed, Ig.  As he sat on the lip of the stage, the 63 year old looked really tired.  In any case, this rocker certainly loss some “rock cred” tonight.

     Before going to a commercial, Seacrest said someone will “have to say goodbye… literally, next!”  Well, “next” is actually three to four minutes of commercials.  Who writes this stuff?  

     Calling up the bottom three, Seacrest continued to talk in double speak, reminding Lusk that last night, he’d said if he wound up in the bottom three it wouldn’t have been because he didn’t perform “Man In The Mirror” well but because people weren’t willing to look at themselves.  Perfect!  Pow!  Send that arrogant bastard home right now!  The host told the baby-faced singer he was sorry “that you will be leaving us… and going to safety on the couch.”  Dammit! 

     OK, weak-voiced Langone’s going home right?  No.  It’s Pia Toscano!

     What the--?!  There were loud, sustained boos in the audience.  Judge Randy Jackson yelled “No!  No!”  Lauren Alaina’s jaw was wide open.  Jennifer Lopez put her head in her hands.  Toscano tried to maintain her composure, probably because she knows whoever loses still has to sing.  Can’t lose it because then you’ll also lose your ability to sing right?  Seacrest asked Lopez for her reaction.  Through tears, she said, “I have no idea what just happened here…  I’m shocked and angry.”  Jackson said he never really got mad on this show, but “this makes me mad.” 

     We saw a tape package of her past with the show, and Toscano began to tear up when she saw the part where she said she auditioned in the memory of her grandfather (who always wanted to see her make it as a singer) who’d recently passed away. 

     As her farewell song, Toscano chose to sing “I’ll Stand By You” by the Pretenders which begins with the appropriate lyrics, “Why you look so sad?”  The band seemed unprepared for what song she was going to do with the first guitar chord clamming in loudly.  It never sounded like a full band arrangement as if some of the musicians couldn’t figure out what chords to play.  Toscano didn’t quite reach the glory note toward the end, but who could blame her?  Just before she finished the song, Jackson was on his feet giving her a standing ovation.

     The other contestants gathered around her on stage.  When she hugged Jacob Lusk, her back to the camera, she began sobbing.  It was heartbreaking.  The judges come on stage to offer comfort.

     Unlike others who analyze the show each week, I never ranked the contestants in order of

how I thought they’d finish.  I gave some hint of it three weeks ago (“The Wrong Person Gets

Sent Home,” March 17) when I asserted Jennifer Lopez shouldn’t have tried to saved Karen

 Rodriguez because there were far more important contestants than her and again a week later (“Shocking Elimination,” March 24) when the judges decided to save Casey Abrams.   But I always thought the final showdown would be between James Durbin …and Pia Toscano.

     Something strange is going on.  After the Top 13 were announced, for the first two weeks, nothing but women were placed in the bottom three.  Now, only two of them remain against six men including weak singers like Paul McDonald and Stefano Langone.  It seems as if most of the voters are women voting for their favorite guys.  Last year’s round of contestants were roundly put down for being the worst crop in the show’s history but most forget there actually were quite a few unique sounding female vocalists who inexplicably got voted off very early on.  Again, women voting for guys but neglecting to support their fellow women? 

     If this keeps up, the way we look back upon this season of talent may again be discolored by how the voters screwed it up.  Interscope Records, which began a new deal with “Idol” this year--like its predecessor Sony/BMG Music--has the right to sign any contestant they want no matter how well they do in the competition.  I’m positive they’ll be picking up Pia Toscano.  It’s just a matter of when they acknowledge it publicly.  If they announce it within the next few weeks, they’ll take away from the suspense of the competition (what does it matter who wins if you can get a recording contract when you don’t even crack the Top 8?).  So it’ll probably become official after the show ends in May.

     Be here next Wednesday and Thursday and see if the voters continue to screw it up.  And remember:  Never use melisma unless you know what you’re doing.  You could hurt yourself.

“Rock ‘n Roll Night on Idol” by Guy Aoki

Wednesday, April 6.  After being stuck in place two weeks in a row with 11 contestants, the list finally got cut down to 9 as the show paid tribute to artists who’ve been inducted into the Rock ’n Roll Hall of Fame.  Though unmentioned by host Ryan Seacrest, only two producers worked with the kids this time around:  Ryan Tedder and Rodney Jerkins.  The focus was on mentors Interscope Records Chairman Jimmy Iovine and… oh no, not again!  Will.i.am from Black Eyed Peas, making his third appearance in four weeks! 

1.  Jacob Lusk:  “Man In The Mirror”/Michael Jackson.  Lusk first tried Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On” but concluded it was too sexual for his own comfort level, so he returned to singing Jackson’s #1 hit from 1988.  Before performing it, in his video package, he told the camera that if he wound up in the bottom three, it wouldn’t be because he didn’t sing the song correctly but because the audience wasn’t ready to look at themselves in the mirror.  WTF?  He should wind up there just for that startling display of arrogance!  I expected the cliched 10 gospel singers in navy blue robes to come out to mimic the gospel flair of the original record.  Thank goodness they didn’t enter the stage.  Lusk did it OK.

     Judge Steven Tyler pointed out that singing back-up with Lusk on stage was Siedah Garrett who’d co-written that song with Glen Ballard (and also did that dreamy duet with Jackson, “I Just Can’t Stop Loving You” from that same album Bad.).  Jennifer Lopez said it proved that when you believe in yourself you can do anything, adding it was “perfect in every way.”  Randy Jackson said that before, he’d waited for a “Jacob Lusk moment” and this week, he found it all over the place.

2.   Haley Reinhart:  “Piece Of My Heart”/Big Brother and the Holding Company.  The 20 year old explained that since the judges keep saying they hear Janis Joplin in her voice, she figured why not do one of the legend’s songs.  Good decision.  During rehearsals, Will.i.am asserted she wasn’t really feeling the lyrics.  Reinhart’s performance was OK, bringing out the expected growl in her voice, but I couldn’t shake the feeling she was playing dress up.  Even her final downward arm gesture signaling the end of the song and the band’s final note came across as weak.  Lopez said that if she kept that up, “you’re gonna be around for a minute!  A minute!”  Yeah, and maybe that’s all!  Jackson exclaimed, “That’s the Haley we loved when we first saw you!”  Tyler, in what could speak for most of the feedback he’s issued this season, said, “I couldn’t find nothin’ wrong with that!”  He even felt she took it up another level than Joplin.  What?!

     Before going to a break, Seacrest teased that Casey Abrams and Lauren Alaina were coming up next “only on Idol.”  You mean as opposed to “only in theatres?”  I’m confused…

3.  Casey Abrams:  “Have You Ever Seen The Rain”/Creedence Clearwater Revival.  Mr. Redbeard was going to do the Police’s “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic” but Iovine and Will.i.am complained he was changing the melody too much.  Feeling he was only giving it “80% of my energy,” Abrams switched numbers, though he sounded like he only gave 80% to that selection too probably purposely holding back his trademark growl in case the audience had tired of it and that was the reason they voted him off the show two weeks ago (the judges saved him by using their one-time only veto).  He once again sang with the stand-up bass.  Jackson loved that he was making that instrument cool since it’s usually used in jazz settings and not a rock context.  Tyler was also impressed saying “nobody can play upright bass!”  Lopez said she’s pay to be in the front row of his concerts.

     Seacrest asked Abrams if he felt obliged to give a lot in his performances since the judges saved him.  He said yeah, 150%.  Well, let’s just say at least 80% OK?  Before the next contestant sang, Seacrest introduced smirky actor Christian Slater who was sitting in the audience.  Why’s he there?  Oh right, his new show (which I refuse to name cos I hate these plugs) is following “Idol.” 

4.   Lauren Alaina:  “(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman”/Aretha Franklin.  Though Franklin’s one of the R&B artists who made it into the Hall of Fame, it’s hardly a rock song.  Will.i.am offered solid advice:  Be in the moment and don’t anticipate what’s going to happen a few bars down the road.  This classic’s been done to death not just on Idol but by so many recording artists and Alaina added nothing to it.  Tyler and Lopez liked it.  Jackson said he wasn’t jumping up and down (to boos from the audience) but that she did a “good job.” 

5.  James Durbin:  “While My Guitar Gently Weeps”/The Beatles.  In the behind-the-scenes video, Durbin explained he’d done three big rock songs in a row, so he wanted to do something unexpected:  a ballad.  Will.i.am voiced his concern that it was risky because everyone else would be doing upbeat stuff and Iovine warned it might become “while my guitar gently sleeps.”  Durbin kept it low key throughout his entire performance, but, as I expected, he let out a yell on a long, sustained final note.  Lopez said it was “nice to see that other side of you.”  Jackson said he “loved seeing the real emotional side of James Durbin.”  And he was happy that Durbin, like a true artist, took a chance, which would give him longevity in the business. Durbin explained to Seacrest that he worked on it for five years and “wrote my own version of it.”  You what?  George Harrison wrote it.  You interpreted it.  You didn’t write it!  Slap head. 

6.  Scotty McCreery:  “That’s Alright Mama”/Elvis Presley.  McCreery wanted to pay tribute to his childhood idol.  Will.i.am offered this profound insight:  “If you take the word country and rock and you sandwich them, that’s Country Rock.”  Uh, thank you.  I never would’ve considered that without your help.  The 19 year old had some fun with it, singing behind the judges’ table.  He didn’t really do it in a rock voice but created the illusion of giving a rock performance.  After he finished, girls from both sides of the stage ran up to hug him.  It was clearly staged (either that or security should be fired), though in his post-performance interview, the singer said it was a big surprise.  Oh what, now he’s an actor too?

     As expected, the judges fell for his act.  Jackson said McCreery proved he wasn’t a one trick pony and that he was “in it to win it.”  Lopez loved that it was fun and entertaining and wondered if he watched rap or hip hop because “I feel a little bit of flavor there!”  What’s she talking about?!  This was just our smirky country boy singing a little more upbeat than usual.

     After another commercial break, Seacrest was now sitting in the audience with Christian Slater, spelling out that his new show was coming up after “Idol.”  Why does this arrogant girlfriend-beating jerk get a third chance when his last two starring vehicles failed?  It’s called the “Alex O’Loughlin syndrome.”  Don’t get me started on that charisma-less “actor.” 

7.   Pia Toscano:  “River Deep, Mountain High”/Ike & Tina Turner.   A good choice which could’ve demonstrated the power ballad singer’s ability to cut through tougher material.  Iovine believed that in order to do the song justice, “she’s gotta get pissed off tonight.”  Eh, she wasn’t mad enough.  Early on, Toscano had potential to win this contest because she’s the total package:  gorgeous and blessed with a strong, diva like voice.  But her potential’s been hampered by her Whitney Houston/Mariah Carey/Christina Aguilera vocal and hand gesturing mannerisms.  She lacked the textured voice to really hammer this one home.  Of course, it fooled the judges.  Tyler cried:  “Murderer!  Murderer!  You killed it!”  Lopez said Toscano proved she could do uptempo material.  In the future, she wanted her to do what Michael Jackson did:  Research classic artists from the past like Gene Kelly and Fred Astaire and add that to her stage persona because she’s still not comfortable in her own skin.  Jackson reminded the single mother that her influences--Carey and Houston--had as many uptempo hits as ballads (good point) and that she had to work on moving onstage more. 

     After commercials, Jackson pointed out Todd Rundgren in the audience saying he’d produced Janis Joplin.  That was news to me.  Turns out he did one cut which didn’t come out until the ‘80s.  Instead, I would’ve mentioned his work with Badfinger (“Baby Blue”), Grand Funk (“The Loco Motion”), and Meat Loaf (“Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad”).  But it was terrific seeing a great artist in the crowd for once. 

8.  Stefano Langone:  “When A Man Loves A Woman”/Percy Sledge.  Will.i.am repeatedly tried to get the Langone to sing “When a…” stop for a long time, then continue with the chorus.  For whatever reason, the contestant didn’t follow through in his performance, which began strangely in falsetto then came back down to earth for the rest of the chorus.  He’s one of the weakest singers left, and he’s just not going to go far with that wobbly voice.  Lopez was excited, though, cackling something unintelligible in a high pitched voice.  For the first time, she felt another level of emotion from him as if he was singing it to somebody.  I couldn’t tell because, once again, he was closing his eyes too much while on stage.  Jackson said he wasn’t jumping up and down about it feeling he was too jerky in the beginning by using too many short phrases and not saving them for later (in other words, establish the song first before doing vocal calisthenics).   

9.  Paul McDonald:  “Folsom Prison Blues”/Johnny Cash.  Iovine wanted him to perform it like he was out of his mind.  The weak-voiced singer was once again allowed to go on stage with his guitar (how do they determine who gets to accompany themselves with an instrument?  The producers said they were going to limit it this year because last year, the contestants got carried away hiding behind them).  McDonald even indulged in an 18 second guitar break, but because it was his first uptempo song in ages, he also gave his best performance in ages.  No lame whispered lyrics that always seduces Randy Jackson who, this time said, “Three words:  I loved it!”  Tyler and Lopez liked it as well.

     Once again, the contestants did a pretty good job overall, so although I pick Lauren Alaina and Stefano Langone to place in the bottom three, it’s hard to choose a third candidate.  Abrams rebounded strongly last week after being voted off by the audience, so he could be back in their good graces.  McDonald finally wound up in the cellar where he belonged last week, but he doesn’t deserve to be there based on tonight’s performance.  Maybe Lusk for his arrogant assertion that if America didn’t like his singing it was because they couldn’t look at their own shortcomings?  Reinhart just because she’s been in the bottom three twice before?  Durbin because he was finally boring?  I’m gonna go with Jacob Lusk.  Going home:  Stefano Langone.

     Check in here tomorrow night for the results.