“The Judges And Their Double Standards” by Guy Aoki

Wednesday, March 16.  Tonight, the remaining Top 12 contestants performed songs that were hits in the year they were born.  Unfortunately, the judges made some very wrong calls, assessing several contestants by double standards.  (By the way, remember last week how I gnashed my teeth over “Idol” pimping Red Riding Hood and how I wanted it to flop?  I got my wish.  It got terrible reviews and came in third bringing in only $14.1 million over the weekend.)  This time, we barely got to see any producers in the studio (record executive Jimmy Iovine did most of the talking to the contestants in the pre-taped segments), so it wasn’t always clear who worked with the singers on their tracks.  I’ll list them when they were given credit.   As usual, judge Steven Tyler thought most of the performances were “beautiful,” so unless he said something significant, I’m ignoring him here.

1.  Naima Adedapo:  1984:  “What’s Love Got To Do With It”/Tina Turner.   Rodney Jerkins, producer.  Jerkins, who’s worked with Michael Jackson (“Remember The Time”) and Jennifer Lopez herself (“Love Don’t Cost A Thing”), came up with an interesting arrangement with a contrasting combination of more active drums yet softer synthesizer backdrop.  Ultimately, though, it came off as rather lightweight, not helped by Adedapo’s shaky beginning (again, most Idol singers start off weakly because they can’t navigate the lower notes but can explode on the choruses).  Lopez admitted that last week, she gave the contestant “a pass” on how off pitch she often was, but now, she’s getting the sense that she’s consistently pitchy.  Randy Jackson said he watched back last week’s performance and it was worse than he thought.  Tonight’s vocals?  “They were all over the place.”

     Proving once again that the public was right in not putting Adedapo in the Top 10 in the first place and that the judges made a mistake in giving her a second chance.

2.  Paul McDonald.  1984:  “I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues”/Elton John.  At this point, I can’t remember why I liked McDonald in the first place.  Since making the Top 24, he’s come off as a gay, wispier Rod Stewart.  Tonight, I expected his voice to give out at the end of phrases.  Lopez said she knew he was “struggling up there” but that he still “made it happen.”  Jackson gave one of his nervous laughs (meaning he didn’t like it), said some notes were “very pitchy,” and that he was “under the notes” (not quite nailing the melody) for the first half of the song.  We learned that the performer had been sick all week, but he didn’t sound much better last week either.

3.  Thia Megia.  1995:  “Colors of the Wind”/Vanessa Williams.  Man do I feel old:  I first interviewed Williams in 1992 three years before she sang this Oscar-winning song from Pocahontas.  In that film, the title character chastises the white man’s arrogant assumptions about the Native population.  Megia could’ve been singing it about white people’s attitudes toward the Philippines or Asia in general.  A great song choice with some smart, politically-charged lyrics.  The 16 year old had me smiling although she didn’t sound as confident as before.

     Jackson started out saying that the “vocals were OK…” and immediately received boos from the audience who obviously appreciated her effort more.  He criticized her for singing ballads every week and called this performance safe and boring.  Megia said she chose the song because it reflected what was going on in the world today.  Lopez liked her voice but agreed it was too safe a performance and her little vibrato sounded nervous.  My first real “split” with the judges.  Would they have told Karen Carpenter they were tired of her ballads or recognized how well she did them? 

4.  James Durbin.  1989:  “I’ll Be There For You”/Bon Jovi.  He found an opportunity to let out his trademark scream toward the end, but it’s just too weak a song to built much upon.  Early on, I thought this guy could win the entire competition, but I’m disappointed for the second week in a row.  Steven Tyler began to hint that he could’ve chosen a better song from that year and warned him not to “get too poppy on me!”  Durbin slyly teased that he could be saving an Aerosmith (Tyler’s band) song for the finale.  Tyler said he’d get up there and sing with him.  It was a love fest.  The judges all loved the idea and Durbin’s performance, though Jackson said there were a couple of pitchy spots.  Which makes me wonder why everyone’s still off key at this stage of the game. 

5.  Haley Reinhart.  1990:  “I’m Your Baby Tonight”/Whitney Houston.  Ron Fair, producer.  She struggled with the fistful of syllables in the verse and some of the closing notes of her phrases went off, but she impressively managed to keep up with the scatting after getting into the chorus.  Lopez made an interesting comment:  The singer’s not confident enough in her body; it’s too tense and doesn’t know in which direction to go.  Jackson once again expressed confusion about her identity over the past three weeks:  Alicia Keys, then a country song (by LeAnn Rimes), now Whitney Houston.  What’s the confusion?  The country song was a mistake and Keys and Houston are in a similar pop/R&B pocket.  Tyler said he’d earlier heard a Janis Joplin-influenced blues voice and wanted to hear more of that. 

6.  Stefano Langone.  1989:  “If You Don’t Know Me By Now”/Simply Red (originally done by Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes).  This guy’s always had a shaky voice, and he covers it up with a macho posturing.  Unfortunately, the judges bought it.  Jackson declared it “best performance of the night so far!”  Lopez exclaimed:  “Perfect, perfect song for you!”  I still think the audience got it right when they didn’t vote him into the Top 10. 

7.  Pia Toscano.  1990:  “Where Do Broken Hearts Go”/Whitney Houston.  Bland song. We didn’t see Rodney Jerkins working on this in the studio, but it sounded like another one of his arrangements as it was similar to what he concocted for Naima Adedapo.  He turned the ballad into a midtempo track and fooled Lopez who said she was glad she did something uptempo.  If you substituted it with a ballad backdrop, Toscano would’ve sounded the same!  Jackson pointed out that she’s good every week and that she’s demonstrating that she’s in it to win the competition.  I thought the contestant simply applied her power ballad formula to weak material.  Eh. 

8.  Scotty McCreery.  1993:  “Can I Trust You With My Heart?”/Travis Tritt.  Same old midtempo country ballad that only country fans know.  Lopez loved it that he “pushed it” at the end, meaning the rest of it was pretty stale, right?  Jackson said he loved that he took chances (What’s he talking about?  If he criticized Megia for singing ballads all the time, why not call out McCreery for always doing traditional country?) adding “I believe in you, man!” 

9.  Karen Rodriguez.  1989:  “Love Will Lead You Back”/Taylor Dayne.  She told Jimmy Iovine she didn’t want to just be known as “a Spanish singer” yet she added Spanish lyrics in the middle of the chorus anyway.  The singer sounded too willowy at the start of the verse then did fine for the rest of her selection.  Jackson agreed it had a rough start but that it wound up OK.  Tyler said, “I love it when you break into your ethnic–what-it-is-ness.”  God, I hate it!  Lopez liked it too (duh, she’s a Latina who also speaks Spanish) but reminded her if she couldn’t sing a note well, she’s under no obligation to attempt it—find a sneaky way of getting out of it instead.   You know, like JLo probably does on her own records!

10.  Casey Abrams.  1991:  “Smells Like Teen Spirit”/Nirvana.  Abrams, in his second break from the hospital, was the first contestant to be allowed to play an instrument on stage inside the Top 24 competition.  Though I couldn’t get Weird Al Yankovic’s parody “Smells Like Nirvana” out of my head, Abrams assumed a dark presence, looked in great form thumbing his instrument, and growled the iconic song with confidence.  Probably the best performance of the night.

     Jackson made one of his self-aggrandizing, inflated claims about himself which didn’t even belong in his critique:  “Me being a producer, me being a writer, all the stuff that I do right?”  First of all, I’ve been dying to say this for years:  Before he was hired for the show in 2002, Jackson was not a producer.  He was a bass player on many hit records.  Period.  He was not a producer.  Someone else always called the shots in the studio and told him how to play and when.  The only thing he produced came a couple years ago with a various artists project that flopped.  And name me one song he’s written that’s become a hit.  I can’t.  OK.  End of rant. 

     The point of him raising his “credentials?”  That he loves people thinking about “art first then thinking about commerce” later.

11.  Lauren Alaina.  1994:  “I’m The Only One”/Melissa Etheridge.  Jim Jonsin, producer.  This girl gets on my nerves.  Her Southern accent was so thick, I had to rewind the tape three times to make out the title of what she was going to sing and what she said after that.   Heck, at least she appears to be losing weight.  If she doesn’t slim down, she’s going to have some irreversible problems in about seven years.  Before she sang, host Ryan Seacrest interviewed her so we could all be warned she’s got the flu (and give her a break?).  She didn’t control the low notes of the verse very well (yeah, I know, who does?).  The judges all loved it with Lopez saying Alaina brought a country flavor to it. 

12.  Jacob Lusk.  1987:  “Alone”/Heart.  Jim Jonsin, producer.  Jesus, I can’t even stand this guy’s speaking voice.  Then he began singing, and I had to put up with his quavering voice and fat, pale tongue attacking me on screen.  He went so over the top, he ran off-key in the chorus.  At least Jackson acknowledged it, adding he didn’t recover from it for two bars!  But of course, he “loved it.”  Lopez praised him because “you give yourself completely to every performance.”  Yeah, that’s the problem.

     OK, since I found myself splitting with the judges on so many contestants, I’m offering two sets of predicted bottom threes:  As usual, those based on the performances and the judges’ comments and another based on my personal taste.  In the first category:  Naima Adedapo, Paul McDonald, and Haley Reinhart (the voters put her there last week).  My personal bottom three:  Naima Adedapo, Paul McDonald, and Stefano Langone.  Going home in both cases:  Naima Adedapo.

     Hey, wait a minute!  At the end of all this, we essentially disagree on only one singer?!  I’m confused!

     Check back here tomorrow night to hear the results and see if I can maintain my “perfect guessing record.”