“They Lied” by Guy Aoki

Thursday, March 31.  Before the theme music from “American Idol” kicked in tonight, the producers tried to build tension by showing behind-the-scenes footage of the Top 11 contestants nervous about which two were going to be cut by America’s votes.  It ended with chilling words over someone playing the piano:  “And you won’t believe who’s going home.”

     It gave me hope because last night, I predicted it was going to be the end of the road for Thia Megia and Naima Adedapo.  Although I was frustrated with Megia’s stubborn insistence on almost always choosing ballads and not showing off the sassy side I saw in Hollywood week, I loved her voice and her grounded, smiling, serene presence.  Adedapo had long overstayed her welcome, and I was salivating at her being given the boot.  But did the ominous warning mean Casey Abrams would be eliminated again (with no judges’ veto to save him this time) or someone more popular like Jacob “yuck!” Lusk?  Even Paul “I can’t sing for crap but somehow I keep fooling everybody” McDonald?

     Host Ryan Seacrest informed the crowd that there were over 55 million votes last night, 25 million more than the previous week, which is pretty impressive.  I was not looking forward to the three musical guests:  Fantasia, Will.i.am (WTF?  Didn’t he just perform last week?!  Oh, it was two weeks ago?  Same smell!), and one of the ugliest men in show business Jamie Foxx.  In a twist, before the contestants were called to center stage to hear their fates, they sang with each other.

     First up was Lauren Alaina and Scotty McCreery, the two most country-ish singers performed—what else?—a country song “I Told You So” by Randy Travis.  You could barely hear Alaina’s lower register in the beginning verses.  In any case, both of them were safe.

     The weekly Ford music video was built around “Kryptonite” by 3 Doors Down.  Some of the singers were given super powers like super speed and energy blasts, so at least this one was memorable.  But no, this is “Idol,” so one promo within the show is not enough:  The contestants informed us that we could be part of a challenge to find 11 icons within the videos if they went online.  Don’t fall for it, folks.  They’re just trying to extend their fricking ads.

     Naima Adedapo and Jacob Lusk sang Ashford and Simpson’s “Solid.”  Well, Adedapo did.  For some reason, Lusk struggled with it.  I hate his voice, but it was barely there tonight.  In fact, it was laughable as he tried to build excitement back to the chorus.  As I predicted last night, Adedapo was in the bottom three.

     Fantasia, “Idol” winner  from Season 3, returned to sing her latest single “Collard Greens and Cornbread.”  I’m not joking.  I guess the follow-up’s going to be called “Fried Chicken and Watermelon.”  It had a nice ‘70s feel to it, so musically, it wasn’t bad.  But I’ve hated this train wreck since day one.  Let’s see, she got pregnant by a guy who beat her (sorry, no sympathy) shoplifted, had a lot of attitude (for God knows what reason), was illiterate, went on to have an affair with a married man, and when the scandal broke, tried to commit suicide.  Yeah, real winner there.

     When she first started cackling, I was confused:  I thought Eartha Kitt was dead.  Had a Martian landed on the “Idol” stage without anyone knowing?  Ye Gods, the woman must’ve gained 30 pounds.  And she kept yelling at me with that pale, fat tongue.  Shades of Jacob Lusk!  Great, last week, we had Jennifer Hudson.  Now, we have another female Jacob Lusk.  Before the final notes, she said to one of the judges in the voice of a four-year old who’d just swallowed helium:  “Steven--I love you!”

     When Seacrest asked her what advice she’d give the singers, she said don’t surround yourself with yes-men but with people who tell you what you need to know.  Sound advice.  That and stay in school and don’t get pregnant before you get married—certainly not by men who beat you.

     Haley Reinhart, Pia Toscano, and Thia Megia took on Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream” and created a great vocal blend on the chorus.  Megia didn’t get to sing any leads, which foreshadowed the fact that she was in the bottom three. 

     Paul McDonald, James Durbin, Casey Abrams, and Stefano Langone came out and ruined “Band on the Run” by Paul McCartney and Wings.  Well, McDonald cast a pall over the entire effort with his opening lead vocal.  Once again, his voice sounded non-existent.  Seriously, why do people keep voting for this guy?  Is it because of his ultra-white teeth?  Seacrest told Abrams if he saw how many votes he got, he’d be very proud.  He was safe as was James Durbin.

     So either Langone or McDonald didn’t get enough votes.  Keeping the “Idol” opening warning in mind, it had to be McDonald since the judges still liked him.  Thank God.  It was.  I now assumed the surprise was that he, who had never previously placed in the bottom, would be going home.

     In the latest “we gotta promote a new movie” scheme, Brazilian-styled dancers in bright white, yellow, red, blue and orange outfits took over the stage and danced in the audience as Jamie Foxx and Will.i.am performed a song from the upcoming film “Rio”--“Hot Wings.”  I’ve already forgotten how it goes.

     OK, so Naima Adedapo, Thia Megia, and Paul McDonald were brought up on stage again.  The only one of them safe was McDonald, meaning Adedapo and Megia were going home.  So why was this a surprise?  It’s exactly as I predicted it last night—both the bottom three and who were going home.

left to right:  Adedapo, Megia, and Seacrest. 

     I felt bad for Megia but was glad I’d never have to see Adedapo’s worried, wrinkled forehead from now on.  Both will have problems securing recording contracts.  In the past, the only successful contestants who didn’t reach the Top 8 were country artists.  If you can go for a niche audience, you can carve out a following and get radio airplay.  But if you’re just another pop singer, you need to do better than come in 9^th or 10th.

     After being stuck in neutral with the Top 11 for two weeks, we’ll be back next week with the Top 9 as we move toward the May finale.  Till then, remember:  Never use melisma unless you know what you’re doing.  You could hurt yourself.