[note: Apologies. Blogger was down for DAYS and although I wrote this review the night of the competition, I was unable to post it until now.]
Tuesday, May 24. The farce that was once a singing contest draws to a close as the two finalists—both undeserving of having come this far—sang three songs in the final (judged) performance show of the season. The contestants who should’ve been in the Top 2—James Durbin and Pia Toscano—were already knocked out by the dumbest voting audience in the history of the series.
In the first season of “Idol,” no matter what Justin Guarini performed, the judges thought it was great. I had a perpetual confused look on my face because I knew there was nothing special about this guy. The Afro-sporting singer came in second to Kelly Clarkson--with whom he made the milk- it-for- all-you-can-before-people-forget-who-they-are/embarrassing film From Justin to Kelly-- none of his singles charted, his album flopped, and he quickly lost his recording contract (not even his manager—Jennifer Lopez’s—could revive his “career”).
Unfortunately, because Scotty McCreery and Lauren Alaina are country artists, there’ll be a place for them on country radio so they’ll probably do pretty well whereas Guarini had no radio basis of support because he was just another pop/rock/R&B singer. McCreery has the kind of voice that’s perfect for country… and nothing else. But either way, both he and Lauren Alaina were one-trick ponies who should’ve been knocked out ages ago.
The first song would be the contestants’ favorite one they sang this past season. The second was chosen by their “idols” and the third, an original composition given to them as their first single… if they win. But really, who’s Ryan Seacrest fooling? He already said the full version of all of the songs on tonight’s broadcast would be available as downloads on itunes. What, if McCreery wins, you can’t buy Alaina’s single? You’ll have to wait for her full album to come out? Not likely.
Before the competition began, Seacrest informed us that just a couple hours ago, Alaina had a little emergency. Although she said she was fine now, the host called out a doctor who explained that during rehearsal, she blew out one of her vocal chords, but he gave her lots of medicine and she’ll be OK. Judging from how she sang tonight, you couldn’t tell there’d been a problem.
1. Scotty McCreery: “Gone”/Montgomery Gentry. Walking through the audience, he mumbled though the verse and displayed no energy until the chorus kicked in, confidently swinging his mike and engaging the audience. Without any explanation, the “Idol” theme song sounded and Seacrest mentioned the numbers viewers could later use to vote for him (why not explain they were pressed for time—they had an hour and a few extra songs to throw in—so they were going to save the judges’ comments until the end of Round 2?).
2. Lauren Alaina: “Flat on the Floor”/Carrie Underwood. Oh joy, this one began with a fiddle. She looked fatter than ever. If she doesn’t watch out, she’ll become this generation’s Wynonna Judd. Jennifer Lopez gave her a standing ovation with Randy Jackson apparently feeling obliged to follow suit. He should’ve stayed in his seat; it was no big deal.
3. Once again, there was no behind-the-scenes tape. We were just told that McCreery’s idol George Strait chose his own hit “Check Yes Or No” for him to sing. The 17 year old’s eyebrows went crazy all over his head again and George Bush, Jr. turned in another forgettable performance.
4. Idol winner Carrie Underwood wanted Lauren Alaina to do “Maybe It Was Memphis” by Pam Tillis. She looked great in a prom dress and did all right on this midtempo country number.
Finally, Seacrest went to the judges. For some reason, Jackson started it off, not Steven Tyler. He said both of them did a “fine job,” asserting, “it’s so even!” You can say that again. They’re equally booorrringgg! He called “Gone” brilliant, giving less significance to the definition of the word, and he… wait for it… felt he was at a Scotty concert. The judge gave Round 1 to Scotty and a slight edge to Lauren Alaina for Round 2.
Lopez said McCreery had “such an explosive start” but that his second song wasn’t as dynamic. He agreed with Jackson on who won the rounds.
Dirty old man Tyler apologized to McCreery but said Alaina won both rounds because “she’s prettier than you.” Proving once again why the judge was such an essential part of the panel this year. As if to fully demonstrate how much this show—the singers, the voters, and the judges--had long ago become a parody this year, Jackson had the urge to add: “They’re both in it to win it!” The guy’s really gotta expand his list of catch phrases. At least he cut down on using “Dawg,” “aight,” and “you know what I’m sayin’” these last four months. Now if he can only supress his urge to tell us to “Listen!”
Seacrest announced the winning Coca Cola “Perfect Harmony” contest entry where viewers were invited to submit lyrics to a song Taio Cruz would compose and sing. The host didn’t tell us who wrote the lyrics. It’s called “Positive,” and Cruz made it even more insignificant by doing a lightly auto-tuned performance which always cheapens everything. He was also late getting on stage--forcing Seacrest to vamp with the audience for a few seconds—and the sound dropped out of his mic for a couple of lines in the middle of it all
5. We finally got to see Jimmy Iovine who selected the original songs for the final two. Of “I Love You This Big,” Iovine felt it was the perfect single to launch Scotty McCreery’s career, and it had a big sound. He told the singer to perform it big too. Only problem is our poor country boy’s incapable of doing anything big. His voice is always the same; only the band gets louder. The performance once again began with a fiddle (sigh) and the ballad wasn’t bad especially when some strings crept into the track. A major annoyance from probably every past season was finally back to put the final nail in the coffin: The swaybots: audience members in the front row who swayed their hands out of time back and forth and made any performance look lame (the only thing that would’ve made it even more stupid is if they had lighters in them). I’m not the only critic who’s felt like taking a chainsaw and cutting off all of their hands.
For some reason, Jackson went first again. I’m glad he admitted he wasn’t sure it was the best song for McCreery, but he loved its range (what range?) and felt the vocal was brilliant (Justin Guarini time boys and girls; Lord give me strength—this too shall pass). Lopez felt he was a great storyteller, which was important because it was a new song nobody knew. Tyler felt McCreery nailed it again.
6. Iovine gave “Like My Mother Does” to Alaina because he felt it captured her journey and how her mother’s always there for her. Well, since Alaina’s only 16 years old, her mother or Dad have to be there with her; she’s a minor! The damn swaybots were back. No chainsaw was in sight. Alaina walked down the stairs led by Seacrest--perhaps worried she’d fall as she did in the “Idol” house--so she could briefly sing to her mom in the audience. It was clearly the stronger song and the singer was in tears as the audience erupted in applause.
Jackson called it “amazing” and loved that she went into Mariah Carey’s “soft whisper” range at the end (for the record, it’s the part that’s always annoyed me about Carey—singing way too high for anyone but dogs to enjoy). Lopez: “With that song, you may’ve just won.” Tyler reminded Alaina that the first time he saw her at her audition, he felt she was going to be the winner, and the country just might prove him right now.
Seacrest asked the judges for their assessment on who won the final round. Jackson gave a slight edge to Lauren. Lopez backtracked saying they both did well (C’mon! Take a stance for once!) To his credit, Tyler didn’t try to soften it: “Lauren gets it hands down.”
For once, I agree with the judges that Scotty won Round 1 but Lauren Alaina won Rounds 2 and 3. Doesn’t mean I’ll care when either wins. As I’ve said, I fully expected Scotty to get the title no matter what was sung tonight because he’s a guy and the majority of the votes are cast by teenage girls. But as he proved on “She Believes In Me” last week, he can’t do both high and low notes while Alaina can at least—at times—go beyond what little is required of country singers (cackling and throwing in sass).
Former “Idol” winner David Cook returned to sing the play-out song the producers have used all season when looking back on the journey of the singer going home that week-Simple Mind’s “Don’t You (Forget About Me).” His voice sounded kind of shredded compared to the original.
Who should win “American Idol” based on the judges’ comments? Lauren Alaina. Who should win according to me? Mumble bumble jumble. What’s that? Lauren Alaina.
But remember, it still doesn’t matter. Tune in tomorrow night for the extra-bloated, extra lunatic 2-hour finale where we see who gets the (cough cough) crown.
No comments:
Post a Comment