“Just When You Didn’t Think It Was Possible: America Makes Yet Another Stupid Mistake” by Guy Aoki

Thursday, May 19.  Sigh.  Just when you thought “American Idol” fans couldn’t get any more stupid, they prove it with who they supported to be in the Top 2.  How can more than 95 million votes (a new record for a non-finale) be so wrong?   

     The pimped movie of the week was Super 8.  J.J. Abrams (“Alias,” “Lost,” the rebooted Star Trek, “Fringe”) invited the top four (this must’ve been taped in advance because James Durbin was included even though he was voted off last week) to his Santa Monica headquarters to see part of his upcoming movie.  We saw many shots of the contestants jumping back in their seats at some of the action.  Gee, if that doesn’t get viewers to support this film nothing will, huh?

     We saw footage of the Top 3 going back to their hometowns on Saturday for welcomes fit for kings and queens.  Haley Reinhart returned to Chicago for the first time in three months.  Many fans came out even though it was raining.  In the limo, a burly security guy was crying.  Was this a joke?  Back on stage, that same guy was “crying” with Kleenex box in hand.  OK, it was a joke.

     The Ford music video of the week was for “Smile,” and it was instantly forgettable.

     Il Volo, an Italian group, performed the classic “O Sole Mio.”  All three men (the first of which looked like Barry Manilow with a smaller nose) had great, strong voices, but what the hell were they doing on this show?  Why not let some group from Korea do K-pop for that matter?

     Scotty McCreery flew back to Heather Woods, North Carolina.  After leaving his high school in the limo, he broke down and cried.  He also seemed to do that when riding in a parade in his honor.  The country singer previously worked at a grocery store, so he went back there to visit, and it looked like the entire place was filled with people.  While singing Josh Turner’s “Your Man” on stage, Turner surprised the contestant and ended up singing along with him.  McCreery also reunited with his family at their home and jumped on his old bed as we saw footage of him packing to leave for Hollywood three months before.  It was a nice juxtaposition of how much had changed since then.

     Nicole Scherzinger, lead singer of the Pussycat Dolls, debuted her new single “Right There” which featured rapper 50 Cent.  Amazingly, with all the #1 hits she’d scored with her group, in 2007 and 2008, none of the solo singles she released even made Billboard Magazine’s Hot 100 chart, so her first album was shelved.  Let’s see if she does any better with this track.  It was obviously a taped performance as none of the judges were at their table.

     Lauren Alaina went back to Chattanooga, Tennessee.  As she looked outside the window of the airplane, I swear this 16-year old looked like she was 50.  While touring the devastation the storms did to familiar places like a high school where she cheered at during a game, she broke down and cried. 

     After getting the Top 3 to center stage, Ryan Seacrest pulled one of his groaners which was so contorted it made no sense:  “After the nationwide vote, I can now tell you… the results after the break.”  Uh, you used two time markers, Ryan:  “now” and “after the break.”  A contradiction, ya know?  Can’t the writers do a better job of holding us over another four to five minutes?  At least he barely pulled this kind of crap all season.

     As I said last night, Scotty’s gonna win this thing (it doesn’t matter what he sings next week because the girls just like him), so in order to create some suspense, I predicted Seacrest would reveal that Scotty was safe first so we could then ponder which of the girls would join him in the finale.  That’s exactly what happened.

     OK, so who would be his competitor?  Couldn’t be Lauren Alaina.  I mean, how many times did she screw up last night still unable to get her confidence up?  I’m no big fan of Haley Reinhart but at least she displayed range and pushed herself with challenging material.  Go back and read the title of this blog.  The stupid voters chose Lauren Alaina to make the finals. 

     Haley looked pissed.  Eventually, the smile returned, she said it had been a great experience and this was only the beginning.  She did Elton John’s “Bennie and the Jets” screaming the redundant chorus and confidently singing to each of the judges.  I gave her credit for that having that kinda balls, and she finished in the crowd in front of the rest of the Top 13 and her parents.

     Seacrest pointed out that the match up of Scotty McCreery and Lauren Alaina is the youngest in the show’s history.   More significantly, both are country singers, so as I said last night, I wish even more they’d just tried out for “Nashville Star” and saved me the aggravation of seeing them survive week after week with the most boring “range” of material in the history of the series (yes, past winner Carrie Underwood went on to a huge country career, but on “Idol,” she demonstrated the ability sing a range of songs including Heart’s pop/rock power ballad “Alone.”  Last night, McCreery couldn’t even hit the low and high notes of the country-styled “She Believes In Me.”)

     Someone has to do a demographic breakdown of who is actually voting on this show.  It’s gotta be inbred numbskulls from the south because they keep creating winners from that region whether they deserve it or not.  Just one more ridiculous decision for a contest that had already jumped the shark twice this season with the early elimination of Pia Toscano then James Durbin.

     The final performance show will be next week Tuesday (not Wednesday as usual) followed by the two hour finale on Wednesday with the usual assortment of real artists jumping on the “Idol” exposure bandwagon. 

     By the way, for once, “Idol” ended one-and-a-half minutes early so Fox could air a promo that ran exactly that long for Simon Cowell’s “X-Factor” which will debut in the Fall.