[note: Apologies. Blogger was down for DAYS and although I wrote this review the night after the competition, I was unable to post it until now.]
Wednesday, May 25. For all the hype Ryan Seacrest usually lays on us during the regular “American Idol” shows, it’s strange how he underplays the magnitude of the “real artists” who appear on the finale. Once again, he didn’t tease much of what to expect or even proclaim something along the lines of: “Tonight, you’ll see some of the biggest artists on the entire planet singing with the best Idol contestants we’ve ever produced!”
He reported there were over 122 million votes cast for either Scotty McCreery or Lauren Alaina, a new record. In the course of this season, there were almost three quarters of a billion votes, which breaks down to two votes for every person in the United States (make your own joke here contrasting this with the percentage of people who actually vote in elections that really matter—those which determine who runs the country). We saw arenas full of hometown fans pulling for Alaina in Chattanooga, Tennessee and McCreery in Raleigh, North Carolina.
There were 15 performances throughout the 2 hour, 7 minute show (showing its arrogance, “Idol” often likes to go beyond the allotted hour, pissing off a lot of people whose DVRs stop recording by the time Seacrest finally gets around to announcing the winner; they risked angering viewers again this year).
1. Top 13: “Born This Way”/Lady Gaga. Not much to say about this except Ashton Jones now has straight hair and looks kinda like Beyonce.
In the first of three “tributes” to this year’s judges, Seacrest introduced a montage of Randy Jackson-isms complete with back-to back proclamations that close to 10 different singers were “in it to win it!”
2. James Durbin and Judas Priest: “Living After Midnight” and “Breaking the Law.” Our metal head got to perform with one of his favorite bands on two of their best known songs and Durbin’s and Rob Halford’s voices were so similar, I couldn’t tell the difference between two. I thought Steven Tyler had previously agreed to sing with Durbin. Anyway, just in time (to have it promoted by Seacrest), the band’s going on their farewell tour next month.
3. Jacob Lusk and Kirk Franklin with Gladys Knight: “I Smile.” The gayest one of all came out with Franklin at the piano barking out some commands and had a gay ‘ole time on Franklin’s song. Out of the blue, there was an on-screen plea for $10 donations to the Red Cross for the hurricane victims. It was a pleasant surprise to see Knight, a great example of a gospel-inspired singer who never overdid it and was known for one of the best record fadeouts (remember “Midnight Train To Georgia?” “I’ve got to go! I’ve got to go! I’ve got to go! Hey!”—that was all ad- libbed).
4. Casey Abrams and Jack Black: “Fat Bottom Girls”/Queen. The arrangement sounded slightly on the country side and Black’s always a fun presence. People forget he was once in the duo Tenacious D and really knows how to sing.
Reminding us that we’re really here to crown a winner, Seacrest offered another contorted statement: “I promise to try” to announce the results before the DVRs stopped. Uh, does that mean you’ll promise to try to let us know before 10:00 o
r 10:07?
r 10:07? 5. Top 13 gals: “Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It),” "Irreplaceable," "Get Me Bodied," "If I Were Boy," "Déjà Vu,” and “Crazy In Love” with Beyonce. It was nice seeing Thia Megia handle the lead vocals on the second hit as it displayed the funky, sassy side of her we saw during Hollywood Week which disappeared by the time she made the Top 13 where she sang mostly ballads (mostly well done, but the judges never let her hear the end of it; don’t get me started on how Scotty McCreery was nevertheless encouraged to do the same old country song every time). The medley of hits by Beyonce was a clue that the diva herself was going to perform and she did on the last song accompanied by four dancers as if 7 contestants around her wasn’t enough.
Seacrest saluted Steven Tyler with a montage of his goofy statements and bleeped outbursts. That’s part of the rock legend’s appeal, so it’s disappointing that when it came to judging the contestants, he became Sandy Duncan (too far back a reference? How about Mother Teresa?).
6. Haley Reinhart and Tony Bennett: “Steppin’ Out.” In the middle of the standard, it appeared the 84-year old crooner forgot the words. Still, it’s reassuring that he never seems to change and is still around to represent those classy singers from a bygone era. Seacrest announced that Bennett’s second album of duets will be out in September.
Finally, Seacrest poked fun at Jennifer Lopez. The angle was that everybody loved her including those who auditioned and those who made it into the Top 13. I wished they’d showed one of the auditions where a Latina (the one with the stars over her big boobs) began crying and told Lopez she couldn’t look at her because she was her idol growing up. After seeing Lopez in Selena, she was inspired to become an entertainer. Despite that the fact that the woman was a bit of a joke and later proved to be a diva without a cause, it brought me to tears as it demonstrated the need for people of all races to have role models to inspire them to actualize their potential (it probably wasn’t shown because it didn’t fit with the levity of the other clips).
7. Top 13 gals with Lil Jon and TLC: “Scrubs” and ”Waterfalls.” Lil Jon, whom I gained respect for on this season’s “Celebrity Apprentice,” stalked the stage talking in his abrasive voice leading to the two surviving members of TLC singing two of their biggest hits with the 7 female contestants who, strangely, weren’t audible as background singers. I always thought Paul McCartney should’ve sued the songwriters of “Waterfalls” for stealing too many of the lyrics from his own 1980 single of the same name.
8. Scotty McCreery and Tim McGraw: “Live Like You Were Dying.” The first of our finalists took to the stage to duet on a country star’s own big hit, one of the best country songs of the past decade. Surprisingly, despite this hit requiring the upper range of his vocals, McCreery acquitted himself well even after the key change (meaning he should’ve done more challenging material like this throughout the competition to disprove naysayers like me).
We were “treated” to a montage of some of the worst singers of the past season. Unlike before, none of them were invited onto the stage to “perform.” Looking back on this year’s refurbished “Idol,” there weren’t that many changes from past seasons as we were lead to believe. Initially, we were told there would no longer be celebrity mentors or theme nights. Har har. I’m surprised Jimmy Iovine never came out to be recognized for his contributions (I once saw him in the audience but Seacrest never pointed him out; he was always relegated to taped rehearsals). I agreed more than disagreed with him, though he made a few wrong calls when selecting material for some of the contestants.
9. Marc Anthony with Jennifer Lopez: “Aguanile.” The bug-eyed monster came out to perform some Spanish song closing his eyes throughout most of it (for which we should probably be thankful). So how could he know his wife was dancing behind him and that she came up to him shimming her butt to the camera? She overshadowed him. Tapping away on percussion frenetically was Sheila E. I thought it would’ve been novel for her to break into a few bars of her biggest hit “The Glamorous Life,” but no dice.
We saw a taped mock debate between Casey Abrams and James Durbin as to whose elimination was more shocking with each claiming it was their own. Pfft, I thought, what about Pia Toscano? That was the real shocker! Happily, toward the end, she appeared dressed up as a beauty queen with a sash that read “Most shocking” with the “g” smaller than the rest of the preceding letters (they ran out of space?!). “What’re you guys talking about?” she asked. Both mumbled, “Nothing.” “That’s what I thought!”
10. Top 13 guys: “Kiss” (lead: Stefano Langone), “She’s a Lady” (Paul MacDonald), “What’s New Pussycat” (James Durbin), “Green, Green Grass of Home” (Scotty McCreery), “Love Me Tonight” (Jacob Lusk), “Delilah” (Casey Abrams), “It’s Not Unusual” with Tom Jones. At first, I thought this was a random grouping of hits but when Durbin launched into “Pussycat” (a mismatch), I thought, “Waaait a minute! Tom Jones sang ‘Kiss’ too! Sh*t! He’s going to come out too!” And just in time. The group’s whine on “Delilah” (“Why why whyyyyyy”) was lapsing into camp until Jones—now sporting natural white hair--came out and brought us back to the swinging ‘60s with his first hit still sounding vocally powerful. Jack Black was dancing up a storm in the audience. It was a lot of fun. I’m sure one of “Idol’s” British producers--Simon Fuller or Nigel Lythgoe—suggested their fellow Brit, showing their age and bias, but hey, I forgive them.
11. Lady Gaga: “The Edge of Glory.” This was yet another new single from the millennium’s answer to Madonna who wore a diamond shaped (sideways) lampshade on her head. Toward the end, she writhed on the floor with a male dancer looking like they were going to do it. Pretty provocative.
Last night, I scoffed at Seacrest lying about the importance of tonight’s winner declaring that McCreery and Alaina’s potential new singles would only become singles if they won. Tonight, he proved I was right by admitting both versions would be available for down load on itunes tomorrow.
The final Ford Music Video of the year was “Whenever You Remember” and featured a montage of past videos from the Top 13. In promoting the car company further, both finalists invited mentors from their school—Alaina’s principal and McCreery’s choir teacher—to the finale then handed them the keys to new Ford Focuses (Foci?). It was no surprise that--as has been the case in the past few years--the Top 2 also got brand new cars, but they sure acted surprised when Seacrest told them they could have any Ford vehicle they wanted (Alaina’s 16; is she allowed to drive in Tennessee?)
12. Lauren Alaina and Carrie Underwood: “Before He Cheats.” The former winner looked like a blonde J-Lo.
In a taped segment, the Top 13 poked fun at the last two to make it to the finish line, which featured the return of the most wrinkled forehead of anyone I’ve ever seen in my life, Naima Adedapo.
13. Beyonce: “1 + 1.” OK, this was just overkill. The diva probably insisted on doing two songs especially since this was gonna be… what else?... her new single. She began with the impersonal “Hello, ‘American Idol.’ Don’t mind if I sing to you all for one second.” Heck, I wouldn’t have minded, but she lied and went on for some three minutes! It was a dreadfully boring ballad with the singer repeatedly pleading, “Make love to me!” Er, no thanks. It made the program sag, drag, gag. For the first time since critiquing this show, in the middle of the performance, I had to fast forward to the end. Her voice is colorless, and there wasn’t anything to hook me. If there’s any justice in the world (and Lord knows you won’t find it on “Idol” this year), it’ll be a flop.
14. Reeve Carney, Bono and The Edge: “Rise Above.” Carney performs in the most-mocked Broadway musical in years, “Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark.” The U2 members were there because they wrote the material for it. It began with Spider-Man swinging throughout the Nokia theatre, landing on the ground, then hurling into the air before landing on the ground again. I cringed, hoping we wouldn’t see one of those infamous accidents that’ve plagued the production for months (how many rehearsals in the Nokia did they do for those stunts?!). At the end, our superhero came straight down—upside down--in front of Lopez. It looked like she was going to re-enact that famous scene from the first “Spidey” movie where Mary Jane lifted the bottom part of his mask and kissed him. Lopez exposed his mouth but then laughed and pushed him away. Wow! What a bitch!
15. After returning from a commercial break, Seacrest was at the judges’ table with Steven Tyler nowhere to be found. Oooh! He’s finally going to take to the stage with Aerosmith! Well, apparently, he hasn’t made up with his bandmates all that well because he performed solo, impressively playing the piano and launching into their first Top 10 hit (originally released in 1973, it didn’t break into the Top 40 until 1976). And yes, at the age of 63, he was still able to pull off those high-pitched screams at the end, reminding us why the rock icon’s been called the American Mick Jagger and Aerosmith, the American Rolling Stones.
OK, what’s next? That promised duet with James Durbin? Maybe on “Walk This Way?” (you can’t let the “Academy of Country Music Awards” upstage you—Tyler did an exciting duet with Carrie Underwood of that hit last month.) How about “Last Child” (When I interviewed him in the early ‘90s, I told Aerosmith bassist Tom Hamilton it was my favorite hit by the group and he co-wrote it; back then, they were trying to drill into journalists’ heads that from now on, Tyler would be called Steven and not Steve. It took a while, but it now feels more natural to say Steven Tyler than Steve Tyler)?
Then the “Idol” bumper hit. What?! That’s it? One song?! Holy anti-climax, Batman! Anyway, look for the groups’ Greatest Hits albums to zoom back up the chart. Would’ve been great if Randy Jackson had played bass on something tonight.
Finally, it was past the 10:00 hour and Seacrest went straight to the results (I wish they’d showed videotape of both of the finalists’ journey up until this point, which is what each “departing guest” is entitled to… Wait a minute! I hate those two! OK, never mind). Since the host let his “s” linger before fully pronouncing Scotty McCreery’s name, the finalist knew he’d won and already began bowing his head as the crowd went wild. He sang his new single, “I Love You This Big,” laughing as he went into the audience hugging his family, coming back on stage to accept the congratulations of his fellow contestants, then hitting a bad final note. The Top 13 was upon him, so it was hard to see but it looked like the 17-year old was having a mental breakdown as he fell to the floor. He quickly jumped up smiling.
And so, Season 10 comes to a close with ratings up from last year but its reputation as an arbiter of talent in the toilet bowl worse than last year. Hopefully other journalists will catch on that like last time, it’s not just the quality of the contestants who make the Top 13 but the quality of the votes and who’s allowed to continue and who’s sent home. An exaggerated democracy (letting people—well, mostly screaming southern teenage girls--vote as many times as they want) has made a joke of determining the best vocalist on the show.
As to the future of this blog, I’ve been waiting for Neal Adams (Green Lantern, X-Men, Deadman), my favorite comic book artist of all time, to issue his latest issue of “Batman: Odyssey” and he’s almost half a year late. I was going to review his present work and compare it to his past, but I have no idea when the next issue’s coming out. I may do a follow-up “Idol” blog next week to wrap all of this up and provide some updates. Keep your eye on this space (or subscribe to it) for some fun. And until then, remember, don’t try melisma at home. If you don’t know what you’re doing, you could hurt yourself.
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