Wednesday, May 18. OK, I’ll admit I’m still in a rotten mood over what happened last week where the stupid teenage idol voters sent James Durbin home when he should’ve won this contest based solely on his vocal abilities than clearly outshined those of the other contestants. As we saw previews of clips of the Top 3 going home for a welcome fit for heroes, I could only think, “Oh Lord, I hate you all so much!”
Let’s face it: It doesn’t matter who wins at this point because they’re all mediocre talents who should’ve been on other television shows. With their limited country-only abilities, Scotty McCreery and Lauren Alaina were better meant for “Nashville Star” with the latter also a contender for “The Biggest Loser” (meaning lose some weight, 16 year old; what the heck are you eating at school?!). Haley Reinhart should’ve taken a class for people with no musical persona who just pretend to be whomever according to whatever someone--like Jimmy Iovine-- tells them to sing.
We saw a non-audio clip of 4th place finisher Durbin going home to his homecoming in Santa Cruz, California. Oh, but we couldn’t see too much of that because it’d detract from the three lesser talents remaining!
Tonight, these hicks would fill two hours (yikes) with three performances apiece (noooo!). The first would be a song of their choice; the second, a pick from Iovine; and the third, something from the judges. Beyonce was the mentor for the first round. Beyonce--who’s emblematic of everything wrong with hip hop and current music: A diva with a colorless voice who uses melisma to create fake excitement and has recorded a series of meaningless records which nevertheless top the charts. What made it even worse is that the ever-fawning judges pretty much liked everything no matter how boring or botched the performances. Rather than tell you what they said, I’d rather do a parody of what they kinda said like, “Yeah, you ran out of breath in the middle, but you know what? That shows how emotionally invested you were in that song! And you pulled it off at the end and that’s all that matters anyway!” Actually, you know what, that was scarily pretty close to what they actually said tonight.
1. Scotty McCreery: “Amazed”/Lonestar. Of the singer, Beyonce had this to say: “He’s so… incredible.” Wow. Insightful. Thanks. Addressing how this selection would force him to sing in an upper register, the 17 year old felt it’s good to push himself once in a while (oh, for about two out of 35 performances; we don’t want to overdo it now do we?). Beyonce tried to put a positive spin on it saying he was strategically saving the high notes for this late in the competition. Pfft. He’s bland as hell, woman! The performance? Boooorinnnngggggg. Semi-long note at the end. Big deal.
Steven Tyler had the audacity to say, “you keep getting better and better.” No, he keeps singing samer and samer! Lopez said she’d advised him to use more vibrato at the end of his long notes and was happy he was now doing that. Yeah, kinda camouflages the blandless of the rest of his notes. Randy Jackson said McCreery was pitchy in spots but loved the ending exclaiming, “that’s money!” Yeah, well, Randy, when he (and the others, as we’d soon see) can’t sing the rest of it well from beginning to end, that’s crap! And you and the audience wound up with the wrong contestants!
2. Lauren Alaina: “Wild One”/Faith Hill. Beyonce revealed that, like Alaina, she’s actually quiet in person, so before she goes on stage, she has to play a role, telling herself to go out there and be a diva. That’s what Alaina has to do too because her nerves keep getting to her. Nothing to say about the upbeat performance. Of course, the judges loved it with Lopez saying you gotta “create a moment every single time” and that she had done just that. Jackson felt her connection to the song. Tyler, who has yet to disagree with the judges when they like a performance, said “you’re ready for America to just be all over you!” Man.
3. Haley Reinhart: “What Is And What Should Never Be”/Led Zeppelin. During rehearsal, she looked like a nine-year old campily singing along to the radio with enabling parents encouraging her. I still cannot shake this feeling that she’s always playing “dress up” and has no real consistent personality or conviction in most of what she sings. Weeks earlier, Jackson had said he was confused as to what her musical identify was. Maybe that’s my slightly different take on the essence of her problem. However, both assessments lead to the conclusion that Reinhart lacks believability. The singer chose the song because she grew up listening to classic rock and her father played in a rock band. She hoped he’d be able to play (lead) guitar on her performance on stage. It was a nice touch that he was allowed to and he was rather good, though it was weird seeing her dancing around in front of him trying to look sexy.
After leaving the judges table and running back toward the stage, she fell and had to drop out a few lyrics. At the end of the song, Jackson started a standing ovation. Lopez felt her “raspiness is natural, and it’s not forced.” Are you kidding me? It almost always is! Jackson exclaimed, “This is what it’s all about!... you’re fearless! Not for the weak of heart… one of your best ever!” Lopez, recalling how she’d just performed at Wango Tango and her mic went out when she was singing, noted these things happen, you just have to continue, and that’s what Reinhart did.
Ryan Seacrest asked the judges who won the round and they all agreed it was Haley. I’d agree with that with the worse being Scotty.
Before introducing their second song, we saw the audition of each of the Top 3 with McCreery doing the by now annoying “Your Man” by Josh Turner because for a while, it seemed to be the only song he knew.
1. Scotty McCreery: “Are You Gonna Kiss Me Or Not”/Thompson Square. Iovine mentioned he produced Damn the Torpedoes by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers and this song reminded him of that kind of material (could’ve fooled me!) The singer came out singing while playing the guitar, and I’ve already forgotten how it went. Tyler claims he’d never heard him deliver a chorus like that. Lopez felt there were so many moments she loved in that performance, all of which were just in her imagination. Jackson said it was a good choice and it was like watching Garth Brooks who doesn’t do anything fancy but still manages to engage the audience. In other words, McCreery’s still boring. Jackson did his by now meaningless cheer that Scotty was (say it along with me, boys and girls) “in it to win it!” Yayyyy.
2. Lauren Alaina: “If I Die Young”/The Band Perry. Weak choice by Iovine as it’s another forgettable song. Our nervous contestant looked unconfident throughout the entire performance and was tentative before going into the final, modulated chorus. Lopez, once again displaying her enabler tendencies, said Alaina had “the most beautiful tone” of any of the remaining contestants and called that botched spot “a very honest moment.” Bullshit. It was a very amateur moment. Alaina admitted she missed the key change. The others noted that she pulled it off at the end. Which leads to the inevitable question: What does it say about the caliber of our contestants if they only manage to salvage a performance at the end but essentially are weak leading up to it? Proud of yourselves, judges?
3. Haley Reinhart: “Rhiannon”/Fleetwood Mac. Not a bad choice given the contestant’s sometimes raspy voice since Stevie Nicks had one too, albeit a more natural one. Our curly- haired girl started singing it slowly as Nicks later did in concert, then the band kicked in with the wind machine blowing Reinhart’s hair and dress. It was OK, but like everything tonight, it didn’t really take off. Jackson laughed, asking her why she looked at the ceiling as if she was glad it was over. She admitted she was happy she remembered all the words. He said it was “somber” but felt she did a good job.
Tyler felt Lauren had done the best this time around while the other judges voted for Scotty. They’re all wrong. Haley was once again the best and Lauren was the worst.
We saw clips of the Top 3 returning to their hometown with hundreds of people to welcome them, and the contestants all received word of the judges’ choice of what they would sing for the third round.
1. Scotty McCreery: “She Believes In Me”/Kenny Rogers. Now, this could’ve been a strong choice because of the low notes that begin every verse and the high notes in the chorus. But guess what? Our boy couldn’t pull off either. He started the song wobbly, and his voice sounded strained on the soaring chorus. And on that final note when he could’ve ended strongly, it was more like a whisper. Poor brain-damaged Tyler had the nerve to say it was McCreery’s first big chorus and that he “put it over the top for me.” What the beep?!
2. Lauren Alaina: “I Hope You Dance”/Lee Ann Womack. She did an all right job of it, but her voice is nothing special, so how could her performance be? Lopez, proving she’d left her critical facilities at the door, said Alaina had already won that round, which probably made Haley wonder, “WTF?! I haven’t even sung yet!” Jackson had this insightful bit to add: “In it to win it!” Jesus H.W. Christ. At this point, does that statement really mean anything? It’s become almost has redundant as his past overused phrases like “Dawg!,” “for me from you,” “pitchy,” and “it was aiight.”
3. Haley Rinehart: “You Oughta Know”/Alanis Morrissette. Hmm… OK, this could have been a good choice if she could get angry enough to pull it off because, well, it’s a very angry song. No time for dress up, little girl. You need inspiration? Just remember all those double standard verdicts those darn judges gave you all season! She changed the risque line, “will she go down on you in a theatre” to “will she go out with you to the theatre.” Which makes no sense. Reinhart performed the chorus OK but couldn’t inhabit the verses which, of course, had so many syllables and words in them she actually ran out of breath at the end of lines. Her low notes simply weren’t there, and she flubbed, “well, you’re still alive” instead singing, “you’re till alive.” She went behind the judges table and sang in front of them as well, went back on stage with one hand up in the air, then down, then up again. You know, same old predictable moves. Little girl playing dress up.
Jackson said she was “amazing” on the choruses, but she had problems with the rhythm because it was so fast. Still, believe it or not, he still shouted that she was (cue the parrot, boys and girls) “in it to win it!” How the hell can that be true if she couldn’t keep up with the beat? I swear these guys are on something because it’s like they’ve already made up their minds to not be critical at this juncture maybe because it would prove they wound up with the lamest Top 3 in this history of the series. There. I’ve just said it. And it’s true.
Lopez had the audacity to say no one would match Reinhart’s power. Wow, if that were true, what a sad commentary on singers around the world.
The conclusion? Tyler felt Haley had won Round 3 while Lopez and Jackson called it for Lauren. I’d say Lauren was the best and Scotty the worst.
Let me just say Scotty McCreery will win this. How can I predict this without even knowing who’ll be in the top 2 next week’s finale? Because of those voting this year. He’s the only one who hasn’t been in the bottom three and no matter how boring he is, the judges still treat him like the second coming of Johnny Cash. And he’s a guy. So there, he’ll win it. Big fricking deal. And he’ll go on to make boring country records. Again, big fricking deal. He could’ve accomplished that by trying out for any of the other country contests and not wasting our time here. Same thing for Lauren Alaina.
Let me just say Scotty McCreery will win this. How can I predict this without even knowing who’ll be in the top 2 next week’s finale? Because of those voting this year. He’s the only one who hasn’t been in the bottom three and no matter how boring he is, the judges still treat him like the second coming of Johnny Cash. And he’s a guy. So there, he’ll win it. Big fricking deal. And he’ll go on to make boring country records. Again, big fricking deal. He could’ve accomplished that by trying out for any of the other country contests and not wasting our time here. Same thing for Lauren Alaina.
Based on the performances, who should make it to the Top 2? According to both the judges and me, Haley Reinhart and Lauren Alaina. Who will? Scotty McCreery and Haley Reinhart. Tune in tomorrow night to hear the meaningless results.
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